Dear Lonnie,

I think that your question is a bit off-base. "Do you let her figure things out on her own?" Will she? Has she ever told you what is going on with her other than "losing the loving feeling?"

The real question is, can she possibly figure things out on her own?

People Don't Simply Fall Out of Love

Generally, it is my opinion that people don't simply fall out of love. Life circumstances change, you meet other people, or issues surface that you didn't know were there in the first place. Money issues, I think, are the number one point of conflict for most couples. So, the question becomes what CAN you do?

Have you ever posed the question to her directly, what can we do to be together again? Have you told her you loved her and showered her with attention? Have you paid attention? Have you shown an understanding of what her primary concerns about you are? Were you too distant from her when you were worn out and resentful about your overworked schedule?

Maybe She Met Somone Else

I also wonder if she met someone else. She may be keeping you in reserve in case that other relationship doesn't work out. If that's the case -- hit the road Lonnie!

You Probably Just Lost Touch With Each Other

That's a good guess, especially since they went through a rehab project. That can really make them too tired to show they care.

My guess, and it's only a guess, but it's a common problem, is that you two lost touch with each other. It seems odd, but the easiest thing to do when you live with someone is to stop listening to them. After we got married, my wife complained so much about my not hearing her that I went and got a hearing test! The nurses were laughing hysterically as they pronounced my hearing normal, recognizing that the husband hearing problem is universal.

Get "In Touch" with Her Again

So, can you get in touch again? Do you really want to? Does she? My New Year's resolution has been to practice "laser-beam-listening" with my wife. After 10 years together, it's even more of a challenge to hear her -- and I've found that as I listen intently (like a laser beam I focus) I learn new things nearly every day about her. Sometimes it's the way she looks. Sometimes it's how she phrases her statements. Sometimes it's a burning issue that we have to put out.

Marriage is tough. Unfortunately, rather than work harder, your wife bailed. If she wants back, you'll probably have to show her you can do better. Ask yourself what you want, find out what she wants, and start the dance again...

Charlie