Let me rephrase your question . . . do you leave her alone so that she has evidence that you don't love or care about her anymore and are willing to give up so easily?

You Were Too Tired to Show Her that You Cared

Did that answer your question? If not, let me be a little more long-winded. You dated. You fell in love. You married. You bought a house. You did a LOT of work on the house which took time, money, and energy. You took a second job to pay for the house. You got tired. It was hard for you to come home and be romantic or be responsible when all you wanted to do was rest up for the next day.

A Rehab Project Almost Destroyed My Relationship

It is superficial to think that the house is the problem.

Am I pretty close? If I am, its cuz I've been there too. The fixer-upper and everything. Which seemed really romantic at first - doing projects together, making the house "ours", making improvements. But actually got old really quick when the paint fumes, saw dust, noise, and lack of sleep wore our patience thin and our love life down to nothing.

So, that is the situation. The fact of your marriage is that you are in love, and have a life-long commitment. And your wife is in love too, otherwise she'd be perfectly willing to sign divorce papers.

Let Her Know that You Love Her

You need to tell her that REGARDLESS of your current situation you love her now, you love her forever, and you will work to make your marriage a fun, wonderful, happy relationship.

Going alone to counseling will help allay any fears that she might have about couple counseling.

And that you will go to counseling on your own to learn how to do so until she is ready to join you.

And keep telling her that, and sharing what you learn in counseling, and eventually things will work out. but maybe not in the fixer-upper.