Dear S.D.,

I don't understand infidelity.

For me, a relationship is based on love, honesty and respect. If any of those elements were missing, I wouldn't be in relationship in the first place, and then I'd be free to date (or sleep with) whomever I wanted to. But messing around while you're in a relationship is beyond me.

So, to me, the answer is clear. You should break up with Jerry, since you don't love or respect him.

Should you tell him about sleeping with Bryan?

It Could Hurt Him Needlessly

Even if he wouldn't find out, she needs to tell him, and accept the consequences.

It depends. Do you think it will get around that this happened? Will Bryan tell anyone? If you think it can remain a secret, I wouldn't mention it to Jerry. It would just be hurting him needlessly. The real problem in your relationship was that you didn't respect him as a person.

You obviously have some questions to ask yourself.

You say you have a problem being faithful -- why is that? Do you cheat before your partner has a chance to? Do you think you don't deserve to be in a healthy relationship? Is your infidelity related to alcohol? (Or does alcohol just give you an excuse for doing what you want to do anyway?)

I guess what is really bothersome to me is that you don't seem passionate about what you've done. You "liked" Jerry but don't regret sleeping with Bryan.

Just because a guy wants to date you, or sleep with you doesn't mean you have to -- right? I hope you know that, S.D.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Gillian