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Dear
Panel,
I
am extremely in love. My relationship is the most important thing
to me. I understand that people need space, and I try not to be
overwhelming, even though I would happily spend every minute with
the love of my life.
She (Rob) is a loving, caring, intelligent person who has never
really been alone, and who has had many unsuccessful long-term
relationships. Many of them have caused her difficulties we have
now worked on together.
My
Story
I
am in a situation I not only did not expect but also don't know
how to correct. I am engaged to the most wonderful girl I have
ever met. She says she loves me more than anyone she has ever
been with, and that she really wants things to work. However,
she has suddenly realized that she does not think she is ready
for every decision she makes to affect someone else.
She
Wants Her Freedom
She wants freedom to do what she wants, but feels that even by
*telling* me what she's doing, she is losing her space. Additionally,
she says she has always been like this; and that she hoped things
would be different.
She
won't do things because she'll be afraid I won't approve, and
she doesn't want that experience, EVEN WHEN I've told her I don't
mind!
She
feels that because I have to know where she is (not because I
ask to, but, for example, so I know if I can make dinner or plan
anything) that she cannot truly do as she pleases. She is afraid
to spend money or ask to go out because she's afraid I'll feel
bad, even though I've told her numerous times I won't!
I've tried really hard to hide any negative feelings I've had
about her activities (if there's been any) so that she will feel
comfortable. But it's just not working and now I may lose her
so she can 'be alone', until she is ready to have this responsibility.
How
do I help her to feel that she does not have to tell me everything?
-
Desperate
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