That's a tough situation, because on the one hand you need to give her plenty of autonomy now to help ease her concerns, yet communication and a certain amount of joint decision making is essential to lay a good foundation for marriage.

You DO Need to Communicate Things When You are Married

You should be careful not to set up an incorrect expectation that you will not need to communicate things with each other after you're married, but yet balance that with personal freedom to make choices and do things on your own from time to time, when appropriate.

She is Not Ready for a Serious Relationship

But to me, it sounds like the real issue here is that she just isn't ready to be married.

Everything You Do DOES Affect Your Spouse — You Become a Team

When you are married, you work together as a team. Everything you do affects your spouse, and that is not a bad thing! Sharing your life -- and important decisions -- with someone who cares for you and has your new family's best interests in mind is one of the advantages of marriage!

I think what you need to do is thoroughly discuss the situation and decide upfront what your boundaries are with each other.

For example, under what circumstances do you both think it is important to check with each other on something, and when is it OK not to?

The reason she feels that she has to check with him on everything, is that her past relationships were too controlling.

Maybe if she had a more firm idea of what you expect, she wouldn't feel as though she needs to check with you on everything. And if that doesn't work, it may be an indication that she is simply not ready yet for the commitment of marriage. If she can't handle a reasonable amount of information and decision sharing, then she is clearly not ready for marriage.

Marriage is a serious commitment, so make sure she is ready for it! Pushing her would only make things worse.

If time and space away from the relationship is what she is asking for, maybe you need to give it to her to show her that you aren't holding on too tight or controlling her.

It Will be a Bigger Issue After You are Married

I agree, hiding his feelings is a slippery slope.

But be honest with her and with yourself. If you are uncomfortable with her attitude toward sharing in your relationship and can't seem to compromise on it now, it will probably turn into a bigger issue after you are married. If this is something you can't resolve, you may want to seek premarital counseling to work on a compromise and to determine if the two of you truly have the potential for a lasting marriage.

Hope