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A Reader
responds:
Just a reality check for teens out there:
A 13 Year-Old and her 30-Something Teacher
20 years ago, my then 13-year old cousin ran away from
home with her 30-something junior high-school teacher.
For 4 years the entire family was heartsick, on the lookout
around the country for her, out of touch and worried to
death. Our only news came from another teacher she wrote
to every few months – no contact with her parents or
other relatives.
When She Returned 5 Years Later
She didn't even start high-school, let alone finish and
by the time she straggled home she was a divorced mother
of 2 (at age 18!!). The happy ending is that she eventually
remarried and remains married to a great guy, got her diploma
and re-entered the family and real life. But boy did she
lose her youth, all to be "independent" and "free".
The "Perfect" Guy
The warning is that it can happen to you – she wasn't
stupid, ill-educated, unloved or abused. Just an idealistic
girl who thought she found the "perfect guy" and
that her family wouldn't understand. He also was not obviously
bad news – employed, intelligent, trusted (presumably).
But anyone who could seriously interest themselves in a
teenager is at best living a fantasy and probably much much
worse. This pillar of the community is now a so-called orthodox
Jew in Israel, on his 4th wife, having abandoned all the
children from his other 2 marriages and quit child support
for my cousin's kids when he moved to Israel. The only reason
he paid at all is my Aunt's tough insistence on staying
in contact with him so he couldn't shirk responsibility.
Bottom line: You call this passion and romance? This is
the grownup relationship you're dying for?
Domination
These men want young women who they can manipulate, fantasize
about, and dominate unchallenged, with their supposed greater
maturity and experience. When teens grow up to assert their
own needs and articulate their own, newly developed selves,
the relationship doesn't last much longer.
– becca
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