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Dear
Panel,
I'm
"Sarah", a female university student in her 20's with definite
career goals. I've never had a serious relationship.
I
usually don't accept dates with guys who ask. I've waited for
someone special to come along. Now, I'm in a 5 month relationship.
I don't know if he's right for me.
"Sam",
my boyfriend lives in another state and we're trying to have a
long-distance relationship. I met him at school. He's very status-oriented,
materialistic, and won't shut up about himself.
"Betty"
is his ex-girlfriend. She was a bombshell and he talks (negatively)
about her A LOT and how she hurt him. He thinks he put in a lot
of effort in that relationship. I'm jealous.
After
He Won Me, His Attitude Changed
Sam
kept pursuing me, doing all these sweet, romantic gestures to
sweep me off my feet. I thought he was one of a kind. Once we
got together, his attitude completely changed INSTANTANEOUSLY.
He doesn't open doors for me, compliment me, do anything spontaneous
or extra to let me know she cares, and insists that I pay for
half of the bill a lot of the time. We don't go out often.
I
Don't Feel Appreciated
Sam is wealthy, but very frugal. He complains a lot. I don't feel
appreciated or romanced. Since I'm so inexperienced, I wonder
if perhaps I expect too much from a relationship. Sam claims that
he cares about me (once in a while) and phones me all the time.
We have similar beliefs. He hurts me often with insensitive comments.
When we discuss it, he seems to feel genuinely sorry. He doesn't
do a thing to make it up to me, though.
I thought I was in love with him, but now I know I'm not. (He
hasn't said he loves me after 5 months.) My feelings are slipping
because he's not the wonderful boyfriend I hoped for.
At most, I have affection for him. I like him, though. I don't
know why I bother.
Is
Sam's behavior typical of most guys who care about their girlfriends?
-Sarah
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