Dear Anon,

You know what? There's no magic trick to making the relationship work for both people.

My guess is that in the past you have been seeing immature men who only cared about sex, or who thought that's what you cared most about. In this case, your guy's older, and I hope wiser, about how to conduct a relationship.

But, I don't think there are any hard and fast rules. There are no magic words. There's no "right" time to have sex.

My wife and I had sex almost immediately after we realized that our six month long friendship had potentially sexual aspects. Did we regret it? Never! Were we ready? Who cares?! We talked it through...we listened to each other. Our relationship then and now is based on real communication, real honesty, real connection. We bring our whole selvesÛto the relationship every day.

Be Who You Truly Are

What does that mean?

You're right. In the past she has tried too hard to please the other person.

It means you are the magic. You are the only true thing you can bring to your relationships. What you honestly want, what you honestly need, what you honestly feel -- this is the stuff of the real connecting. Someone who you deserve will hear these things, listen to these things, understand these things and want to hear more.

Whether this guy is the right guy or not doesn't matter as long as you are true to yourself and to him about what you really want. If he's scared of the honesty, then he's not ready for real love. Ultimately, because relating takes two, you have to find someone who you can connect with.

You don't have to "make yourself more attractive." Just be real.

So, it's not the attraction, it's not the right words...it's you who are the magic.

Love,

Charlie