Dear Panel,

I am a thirty years old, very close to my family, and happy in my relationship with my boyfriend of eight years. He is generally thoughtful and caring, but of late I've seen him more and more self-absorbed and impulsive. His birthday and mine are both on the 4th of July.

This past spring he asked me if I would be interested in going to Oregon sometime over the summer to visit his brother and his brother's family. Also, this past spring, I was told that my family would be having a reunion in late July.

My boyfriend bought two round-trip tickets for the both of us to go to Oregon the whole week of July 4. He told me that he hadn't intended to do this, that it was an accident, that he thought he was just checking the fares (he bought them online at a ticket-bid site). I believe him. And at the time I was happy and touched that he would pay my fare.

I've since started a new job, and while my boss has assured me that my being absent that first week of July is not a problem, I hesitate to ask for additional time off at the end of the month for the reunion. I very much want to meet my boyfriend's brother in Oregon; he is the only family member I haven't met yet. But, I very much want to attend my family reunion; there are cousins I haven't seen in years, and children who are growing quickly. I am feeling guilty on all fronts.

I'm beginning to resent my boyfriend for making plans without consulting me, even though at the time I told him I understood. I'm feeling guilty for telling my mother that I'll be unable to attend the reunion. I'm resenting her for pressuring me to attend, and now even an aunt has begun to pressure me. I no longer know if I have a choice in any of this.

If I had my 'druthers, I'd rather skip Oregon altogether, and go to the reunion. But I don't want to cause my boyfriend to lose the money he spent on my ticket, especially since I was so excited about the trip initially.