Dear DLJ,

None of these issues are absolute. I've had conflicting travel plans myself; it is hard to manage responsibilities to family and friends and the desire to enjoy yourself on vacation.

Before You Get Resentful...

So, before you start getting resentful, see what you can do to manage all of these plans. See if your ticket to Oregon can be changed to go for only part of the week. You might have to pay a fee, but it shouldn't be too costly, particularly since you didn't pay for the ticket in the first place. If so, go for only half of the week to Oregon.

Talk To Your Boss

She should grovel to the boss if she has to.

Talk to your boss immediately and tell him or her that you would like to cut this vacation short so you don't miss so much time at work so early in your job but there is a family reunion later in the month you would like to take a long weekend for. I wouldn't take off more than one or two days (plus the weekend, of course) for the reunion - that would be plenty of time to see everyone and they should all understand that you are starting a new job and can't take more time.

Now, it is possible that this solution won't work; restrictions on airfare, inconvenient times of the month to leave work, etc.

Think Creatively

The problem is that she is not even thinking about what SHE wants. She is focusing on what OTHERS want.

But the key here is to stop looking at everything as such a drastic problem and instead start thinking creatively about solutions. Tell your boyfriend that, too - that the best thing is to find a solution so that you get to do all of the things you want to do.