Dear Iboogey:

It will be very likely to everyone who reads your note what you need to do, but until it is clear to YOU, you are going to stay in a very bad situation.

We are living in a time when woman do not have to put up with abuse, threats and nonsense from their partners.

Yes, she knows what she wants. But she may WANT a controlling man who acts like this. Maybe she is not ready for a man who will respect her.

You sound like a very bright woman. You know what you want and what you don't want, but I hear a hesitancy in your note about walking away from the types of relationships that are obviously not good for you. If you commit to this man you are with now, you are in for a terrifically bumpy ride.

Have a Good Relationship with Yourself First

You are right. You don't have to put up with this abuse. What I learned later in life, and wished I had learned earlier, is that you have to have a good relationship with yourself FIRST in order to have a good and healthy relationship with others.

In order to do that, you have to take care of yourself, physically and emotionally. You don't need to put yourself in a situation with a man simply because it feels "familiar". You do not have to settle for this nonsense. It is not right. It is wrong.

Walk Away

Gather your strength and walk away from this person and don't take up with another like him who will hit you, accuse you and treat you in such a shabby way. You deserve better. Learn to respect yourself. It will come with practice and time. As soon as you start believing that you do not deserve this abuse, you will attract a healthier and happier relationship in your life.

You're right, she should take a few years off from dating.

Until then, work on your relationship with yourself. Enjoy being with yourself and doing things without having to have a man judging you, ordering you around, and determining what you can and cannot do. Value your physical and emotional health. Protect it.

I hope you will think twice before you decide to stay in this abusive relationship. This is your life...your one shot. Why sell yourself short? You deserve better. Know that and try to move on and away from the current interaction you have with this man.

You are still very young and there are great possibilities ahead of you. Don't settle for less.

Controlling Relationships Feel Familiar

Controlling relationships are optional. People stay in them because they feel familiar and "right" or because they feel there is nothing else that will come into their lives. In a sense, they are right. Until you have the respect for yourself to walk away from abuse, it will keep knocking at your door. Don't let it in anymore. You deserve better.

Let us know how you do and if you have the strength to stand up to this man and say "no more". I hope that this will be the outcome, for your own sake.

Miss Kitty