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Dear Princess,
Porn Devalues Women
There are many possible reasons why porn hurts you so much.
- It devalues and idealizes women in general.
- Patrick's continued use of pornography over your complaints
is a clear sign that he is not satisfied with you and is still
looking for the "ideal" woman. Now, maybe he does not
realize this but even so, that has to hurt.
- If Patrick is using the porn for masturbation, which he probably
is, he is demonstrating that he sees women as a tool to be used
for self-satisfaction. Sex to him is something he GETS not a relationship
he HAS. This is not a person you want to be involved with.
- You are still hurting from the abuse that you experienced as
a child. Childhood sexual abuse can have long ranging effects.
Trust me. I've been there.
If you have not sought therapy to work through what happened
to you, I would strongly recommend that you do so. If you have
and your only remaining "hang-up" is pornography, count
yourself as lucky.
Happily Married without Pornography
You can have a healthy and happy married and sex life without
pornography. In fact, I would venture to say that it will be better
if you do not involve pornography. If you are with your soulmate,
why would either of you need airbrushed pictures of other people?
Leave Him
You obviously know all of this stuff which is why you say that
you would not have gotten involved with Patrick if you had known
about the porno, so why do you stay. Unless you are married to him,
it is not too late.
Get away and find a man who will treat you as a friend and equal,
not as a princess. You are real person not an idealized image. Stay
away from men who see you that way. If you are married to him, the
two of you need to get into some counseling. In addition to all
of the other issues, I find the fact that you do not trust this
man to do something that he has specifically promised you and that
he knows is very important to you to be a really bad sign for this
relationship.
Best of Luck,
– Jody
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