Dear Confused:

Is the Grass Always Greener on the Other Side of the Fence, or Does it Eventually Turn to Crabgrass Too?

Anyone who has been married for over a decade would probably have little difficulty relating to some part of your dilemma. You love your husband. He is a good man. At the same time, this other (married) man is waking up your need to feel desirable and sexual. You are mistaking that for something more than it is. This is an age-old dilemma.

Your husband sounds like a good partner

Bull! She should leave him.

This is not to undermine the importance of feeling sensual and sexual. However, sexuality is merely one component in a relationship. You sound as though you and your husband have many things that enrich your marriage. He sounds like a decent man and a good partner. Do not underestimate this very important factor. It is a valuable component in a marriage.

What you have with this other man is pure escapism and lust. That is always exciting but it does not make for a complete picture or a healthy relationship.

Why be with someone who cheated on his wife?

You might want to consider whether or not you would even want to be with a man like the one you are fooling around with. He is someone who is cheating on his own wife and family. Is this the sort of man you want to build your life with?

The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. However, it might be a rude awakening once you are washing this other man's socks, listening to him snore at night and wondering if he is fooling around on you the same way he fooled around on his wife. Is that the sort of long-term relationship you want and need?

Are You Willing To Pay The Price For Forbidden Sex?

My guess is that this other man makes for an exciting afternoon of forbidden sexual antics, and he makes you feel desirable. Those are wonderful feelings. There's no doubt about it. But there is a price you might have to pay for those fleeting feelings and stolen moments, and one of them may be the long-term bond you have built with your husband over many years.

Stop Seeing Mr. Married

Sexual issues and difficulties with your husband can be dealt with in a number of ways. The first thing you must do, however, is cut this affair off with Mister Married and Unavailable. Until you do that, you cannot give your full attention to your marriage.

You should seriously consider couple's therapy if you cannot discuss your needs with your husband. He needs to know what you feel is lacking in the marriage. The two of you need to work together to put your marriage back on course and work towards restoring your sexual life. It can be done. It has been done. Do not write off your marriage and your sex life with your husband so quickly without giving it a lot of effort first and offering it your full attention.

Have You Tried To Improve Marital Sex?

When people drift to another person for excitement and sex, it is a sign that something is missing from the marriage. This does not mean you cannot turn your attention back to your marriage and enhance it. What are YOU doing to enhance the sexual life in your marriage? Of are you just leaving it as it is because it gives you an excuse and license to fool around with this other man?

Wake Up!

Wake up before it's too late! Give your marriage a chance to repair and improve before you throw away something that is difficult to find in this world - a good person who truly knows and cares about you.

Yes, it is tempting to be in a sexual relationship with the forbidden beast! If it weren't, so many people would not be having extramarital affairs. However, part of that excitement level is usually based upon the other person's unavailability and the excitement of sneaking around. Yes, it feels good, but at what price? If you are willing to risk the life you've built with a good man for a fling that makes you feel like a teenager for an afternoon, I have a strong suspicion you are going to grow to resent that decision.

Before you throw it all away, try to work on these issues that you find a problem in your marriage. Do it by sitting down with your husband and having a real heart-to-heart talk. If that doesn't work or have any lasting effect, see couples counseling.

Of course, she could also get a tenfold payoff if she danced naked.

The time, energy and effort you put into this will pay off tenfold.

Lust is lovely -- Marriage Is A Gift

Please let us know what you decide to do and how it goes. If there are children involved, please consider letting this other man go and working on your marriage to see if there is something worth saving, for their sake as well as your own. You are in a situation with the potential for causing a great deal of hurt, not only to your husband but also to this other man's wife and possibly some children. Reflect on the seriousness of your actions.

Sex is great. Lust is lovely. However, marriage with a good person is a gift. Take care of it.

-Miss Kitty