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Dear Used and Abused,
No Excuse For Her Behavior
You mentioned your wife's abuse as a child. While that does have
an impact on adult life it should not be used to excuse all behavior.
It is possible that emotionally your wife does not connect love
with sex. She can love you and not sleep with you and/or sleep with
others and not love them. Sometimes people who survive abuse feel
they aren't capable of love and they don't allow themselves to be
open to love (this is all mental, not something they would tell
you). I definitely think you should encourage your wife to go to
counseling to deal with her issues. Her past is obviously affecting
her life now.
Broken Trust Is Impossible To Regain
Whether or not to stay with her is a serious issue. You need to
be concerned with yourself and the hurt this is causing you. You
cannot have a real relationship without trust and once trust is
broken it is almost impossible to regain.
Leave Her
I think that you need to leave your wife for your own sake. Yes
she is a person with problems and you care about her. But you need
to put yourself first. You can be her friend and help her but you
don't have to be her husband.Her cheating will not stop and you
don't want to be continuosly hurt by this.
Show the Child What Love Means
As for the child, if it is yours you can still be a big part of
that child's life without being with the mother. Some people will
argue that a child needs two parents in the home, I argue that the
child needs love. You can love and care for a child without being
with the mother. If you stay with her and this child grows up it
would be really tough to explain "yes I'm dad and I love your
mom, I don't know who this other guy is that you saw her with today".
The child would grow up with a strange belief as to what love is
if he follows your wife's example.
Bottom line: you can leave and still care for her and the child,
but you need to leave.
– Berly
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