Dear Broke and Broken Hearted:

Is It Her Father?

Your wife seems to have an issue with going into the work world. There could be many factors bringing about this fear and behavior. She may have connected and confused employment of any type with working with her father, who sounds like a demanding and difficult man. This seems an obvious possibility.

It May Be Depression

The other possibility that is not so obvious, is that you wife may be suffering from low-grade depression. Often times, people who are depressed have difficulty getting off the couch to do anything at all, let alone go to work. If she seems to have no desire to achieve or strive for anything, this could be a warning sign that she is not happy or that she is suffering through some degree of clinical depression.

Let Her Know The Seriousness Of The Situation

Or maybe they could just spend less

If these factors are not the reason behind her lack of motivation, I suggest you sit down with your wife and let her know the REAL consequences of not pitching in financially. This might mean informing her that you two will have to move to a smaller apartment or home or curtail plans for vacation this year.

Let her know that there are consequences to this ongoing reluctance on her part. Maybe you cannot afford to eat out anymore or risk putting items on the charge card. Let her know the seriousness of the situation and how it affects your life RIGHT NOW, not months from now. Perhaps this will be enough to wake her up.

You didn't mention your wife's age in your note. Perhaps she is quite young and anything other than school is a new and scary proposition to her. If she has never worked before this (except with her father), this behavior could simply be manifesting because of a fear of failure about employment. If this is the case, reassurance will go a longer way than criticism or threats.

Be kind and supportive.

Be kind and supportive. Help her skim the paper if necessary to find a job that does not seem too threatening. Urge her to start out slow. Most people have to take a job that they feel is "beneath them" initially until they get their feet wet. Once some confidence is gained in the workplace, it is time to move out and up.

Maybe they shouldn't have gotten married

It seems to me that you two have got to get to the real issue here. As long as that remains a mystery, it will be a difficult dilemma to solve.

Let us know how things go and what progress is made in the near future.

Best of luck.

-- MIss Kitty