Dear Broke and Broken Hearted:

Unfortunately, this is not the sort of forum where we can have a dialogue, because I have a few questions.

First, you said that you have been married 11 months and that she has only worked 2 months out of the last 14. What about the months before that? Did she have a steady job then? If so, what changed 14 months ago?

Maybe You Shouldn't Have Married Her

I'm concerned that you don't know what she did prior to that because you've only known her for 14 months, and that you got married a mere 3 months after meeting. It is highly unlikely that you can know someone well enough to decide to spend your lives together after 3 months.

If my guess is correct, it is possible that you made a mistake and attached yourself to someone you didn't know and who isn't right for you. But...life is what you make of it, and you can make this work out if you really want it.

What IS Your Lifestyle?

I think you may be onto something here – maybe they could spend less

Also, you said that you "cannot maintain your current lifestyle with just your salary". I wonder what your current lifestyle is. If you live in a penthouse and are having trouble affording caviar, I'd advise you to develop cheaper tastes.

However, I suspect that your lifestyle is more concerned with food, clothing and shelter. In this case, perhaps you should try to impress upon her the financial troubles you are having. The next time she wants to go out to dinner or asks why you never bring her flowers, tell her that you'd love to, but there simply isn't room in the budget.

Inertia

I would guess that her inability or unwillingness to get a job is more a product of inertia than laziness. Unfortunately, this is a vicious cycle. Inertia leads to self-loathing which leads to despair which leads to more inertia.

Help Her Get a Job

What are her interests? What are her talents? Perhaps, rather than just telling her she needs a job, you can help her find one. If you work in an office, maybe she could use your computer to print up nice looking resumes. Maybe you could drive her to a temporary agency so she can take their tests. Maybe you could buy the Sunday paper and read the Help Wanted ads together. Even if you think you've tried these things, try again.

Good luck!

– Mo