Dear Only High On Life,

What Does He Mean By"Occasionally"?

One of the things that is not clear in your question is the statement that your boyfriend uses these substances only "occasionally" Does this mean daily, once a week, all his waking hours?

Social Pot is Fine

Everyday use of a mind altering substances to me is not a good thing, socially, mentally or spiritually. A little social pot now and then (once a month or less), is like a beer now and then. Psychedelics for me have no redeeming value what so ever, and are only a hardcore escape from reality regardless of how they are used.

Trust Is the Issue, Not Drugs

The bigger question here for me is not the drugs per se, but the trust factor (or lack thereof) that this kind of situation engenders. You will ask him to start a relationship together with a promise that he may not want or be able to keep: not using the stuff at your apartment. Will you have total trust that he will not?

My Categories

I organize relationship issues by a category method: A B C.

• A items have no negotiations in them, like cheating or drug/alcohol use.
  
  
• B items both parties can negotiate, giving and taking till satisfaction is reached, like how to set up furniture, household duties.
  
  
• C items are who cares, in my house that is which way the toilet paper comes off the roll (top or bottom), important to some not so to others.

How important is this issue to you given these categories?

Only He Can Change Himself

You will not change him and his habits, he must be willing to change these himself. No amount of screaming, yelling, talking or threatening will change him; it will only cause resentment, sneaking around, lying, excuses and rationalizations for why he will do what he does.

What If His Usage Increases?

If the use is everyday or at worst frequent, it may get worse, if only occasionally, maybe, maybe not. How badly do you disagree with whatever usage it is? Do you wish to be party to someone destroying themselves, because that is what frequent drug use does.

If It Bugs You Now, How Will You Feel After A Long TIme?

Don't wait too long -- one chance, then kick him OUT!

You may wish to wait, watch and see where it goes. If it bugs you a lot now, think what the total effect will be over time. Accept the facts as they are now, but remember, acceptance means in one of its definitions that you accept a person place or thing as it is to the best of your ability, this does not mean that you condone nor even wish to participate in the actions; only that you accept them.