| Instant Success Is Not
The American Dream First
off, the "American Dream" as far as I know has never included "instant" success,
so your husband has never been interested in the true American Dream.
You
Can't Change Your Grown Sons Second,
your sons are men. Though you can offer support and/or advice to them, they are
adults and are already products of their upbringing. If they are jaded or pessimistic
there is little to nothing you can do to change their outlook. They have to recognize
their own shortcomings and evaluate why, for example, your 34 year old has been
fired from every job he's ever had.
 Let
Him Keep His Delusions
As for your husband,
if you love him, let him keep his delusion as to how successful
he really is.
Sometimes people say
things about themselves because they doubt it so much they hope
somebody else will confirm the feeling for them. In this case, maybe
your husband doubts his success and likeability and just needs you,
his "loving wife" to stand by his side.
All you can
do is to continue to be a loving mother. --
Alicia | 
