I'm presently living with my girlfriend of 3 years and although I feel like we're emotional soul-mates, I am just not interested in having sex (with her) anymore. She is very sexual, and understandably would like us to be more physically involved. When we do have sex, I enjoy it, but for some reason I do all I can to avoid it. We have great communication, and indeed have talked about this on several occasions. The trouble is, I'm not even sure why I feel this way, so it makes for limited discussion.

What I find difficult to understand is that I frequently masturbate, enjoy erotic/pornographic stories and movies, and find the thought of sex with other women appealing (although I've never cheated). So obviously, it is not just a sex drive problem.

It seems to me that this is an indication that I just don't find her attractive, and we're not meant to be. But she's very pretty and this just doesn't make sense.

What is more troubling is that my previous relationship of 3 years ended because of this exact same problem. I loved her very much as well, but the sex just ended (to her dismay). Everything was perfect otherwise, but she ultimately left me because she needed physical attention other than cuddling (which I enjoy very much).

Do you think that I just love(d) both these women as friends? I really feel terrible about the pain it is causing my girlfriend, but I don't know how to get that desire back. Any help is appreciated.

-- Johnny

Jayne, Rick, and Linda answer.

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