Dear Peter,

Poor communication? He just wants her for sex.

You sound very confused about your feelings. It seems like the main problem in your relationship with Alenka is poor communication. She was trying to express her concerns about getting hurt, and then you hurt her very badly. I am not sure why you did this. It even sounds like you are not sure why you did this.

Lying Is Unforgivable

Definitely! If he doesn't work out why, then the problem will only resurface later.

I think your main focus needs to be figuring out why you told Alenka that you don't love her. Can you imagine how it must have felt for Alenka to have her fears confirmed, that you were really only out to hurt her? It is a very serious thing to lie to someone you love. Some would say it is unforgivable.

Was It Really A Lie?

I think you might want to consider the possibility that you WEREN'T lying to Alenka -- that is, maybe you were not ready for such a serious relationship and by telling her you didn't really love her, you were finding an easy way out. Maybe it is difficult for you now because you are jealous and second-guessing yourself, but honestly -- how could you say something like that to your girlfriend and expect your actions not to have any consequences??

Learn Some New Skills

I think Alenka is wise to keep things with you on a friendship level. Perhaps in this context you can learn about honesty, trust, and how to communicate with another person. You definitely can't go backwards in a relationship -- but you can go forwards, which is infinitely better. I cannot say if you will have a romantic relationship with Alenka in your future. But hopefully, through knowing her, you will become a better person.

-- Gillian