|
Dear bb,
It sounds like there
are some serious issues that both of you have been avoiding. He
has been avoiding them by not changing and not proposing to you.
You may be avoiding them by not doing what your heart is really
telling you to do -- leave the relationship.
Move
Out immediately
First and foremost, I
think it would be a good idea to move out immediately.
Think
of this from his perspective: why would he propose to you if he
already has the privilege of living with you? What would change
in your relationship after you get married, since you are practically
living as a married couple anyway? Most certainly the commitment
would change, so maybe that is what he is avoiding.
Besides, if 4 1/2 years
of dating -- plus living together -- is not enough time and experience
for him to decide if you belong together, then nothing else will
show him. He is clearly avoiding the issue, maybe because he can
get away with it and still stay in the relationship.
You're Not In A
Compatible Partnership
It also sounds like you
are "settling" for second best in this relationship. You
do not sound happy, since you are not entirely compatible. The fact
that you want to break up and move out but haven't done so to avoid
hurting his feelings is noble, but you may only be avoiding the
inevitable. Ask yourself this: do you want to be married to him,
or do you just want to be married? Is it possible that you are sticking
with this relationship simply because you don't want to be alone?
He
Needs To Wake Up
You need to be honest
with yourself (and him), and leave the relationship, if that is
what your heart is telling you to do.
If you are truly meant
to be together, maybe this will send him a "real" wake
up call that he needs to change his ways. Empty threats obviously
haven't worked... If he doesn't change (for real this time), or
does not propose to you, then you are better off without him; he
is either not interested in a commitment or is not able to change
the behaviors that are unacceptable to you.
-- Hope
|
