Judith Answers:

Boring Barbara:

Pick Men Who Will Bring You Happiness

Let me reconstruct this for you. You spent three years in a long, painful relationship. You've spent the last year dating guys who still have ties to their ex-girlfriends. And you are worried about being BORING?

I disagree – men are not responsible for her happiness; she is.

What you need to worry about is your tendency to pick men that will not bring you any happiness.

Twenty v. Seventeen

At 20, a lot happens in someone's life. You are figuring yourself out, figuring your future out, and figuring out how to have adult relationships with other people.

You may not (in fact, hopefully will not!) end your twenties the same person that you were when they started – you learn so much about yourself and the world that it changes you (sorry for my reflective tone; I'm 27, recently engaged, and starting to get the urge to "look back" for some reason).

So, this fear that you are boring or not fun may be rooted in the fact that things you thought were fun while in your teens you are realizing can't sustain you in your 20's.

Ignore Men For Little While

I agree -- she needs to look somewhere other than guys for fun.

My suggestion: ignore men for a short while. Start exploring what makes you happy. First of all, whatever it is that makes you tick, it will help you grow as a person. Second of all, as you are participating in activities or whatever that you enjoy, you will be a happier person and have the opportunity to meet people who enjoy the same things as you. You can learn from each other and also develop your interests.

My Twenties

Who would have thought when I started my 20's that people would think I was a specialist in ANYTHING? But now people ask me for relationship advice and PAY me to give them professional advice. Who knew?

Self-discovery is your road to:

1. a more well-developed sense of self;
   
   
2. the opportunity to share your interests with people who find them and you interesting;
   
   
3. a way to expand your interests and horizons.

Your Twenties

I'm not saying to swear off men forever; in fact, as you have more fun it will be much easier to date yet maintain a sense of self-confidence whatever the outcome. Just spend some time on you – what else is being 20 for?

– Judith

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