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Dear Secret,
Serious Relationships Include Family
You know more about her parents than they do about you. What's
up with that? A serious relationship is not really serious unless
you each meet the people important in each other's lives, like close
family and friends.
So obviously this whole thing where she downright refuses to introduce
you to her family, or even admit you exist to them after two friggin
years is a little weird. You're serious about this girl, you want
to be with her. This issue is igging you. So here's what you do
to tackle it step by step.
 Step
One:
MAKE SURE SHE'S MET YOUR FOLKS
Firstly, has she met your friends and family yet? Are you practicing
what you preach? I mean, are you just as open about your relationship
to the people in your life as you would like her to be? You sure
better be if you're trying to be down with her family, that's the
first step. And if she refuses to do that too then that's a sign
you must look into.
Step Two:
ASK HER, "AREN'T I GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOUR FAMILY?"
It's real obvious that your girlfriend has issues with her family,
especially her dad. He's stressing her about grades and making her
feel bad for not being perfect, So does he want the "perfect"
boyfriend? Of course that would have you thinking something like,
"Well what the hell is wrong with me? Am I not good enough?"
And to be quite blunt, are you?
Are you the type of guy that your girlfriend's Dad would go for?
Not that you are not "good enough", but are you his ideal?
Maybe your girlfriend knows that her parents would be hesitant
to accept you for some reason and she can't be straight with you
for fear of hurting your feelings, because I have a hard time believing
that a junior in college would be forbidden to date. Something is
going on here.
Is a Junior in College Actually "Forbidden"
To Date?
So the second thing you need to do is to ask her head on about
this. "Are you ashamed of me or something? Or do you just think
I wouldn't get along with your folks?" Tell her you don't quite
buy that "forbidden to date" thing, (even if you do buy
it), just to see what she says and how she reacts.
Finally, its up to you: A OR B?
Like you said, most guys would be in heaven if they were in this
situation where they didn't have to meet her Mom and Dad, but you
want to know what's up, and what the big deal is. Now you know she
has issues with her parents, especially her dad, so you can either
- deal with this and not meet her parents, or
-
insist like hell that you have to meet her parents if you two
are going to be serious. I mean, why the hell not unless you really
are a secret?
Pro's and Con's of A and B
Option A is by far the easiest to tell you the truth, but it may
leave you anxiously pondering such questions like: "What's
so wrong with me?" And if you two are away for college you
might even get as carried away as to think "Does she have an
at-home boyfriend?"
You know, a perfectionist prototype that Daddy really likes? If
you really aren't going to sweat it this much, and it doesn't bother
you, take Option A.
But just a thought, what happens after senior year? When she goes
back home for good? When there's no more campus romance what are
you going to do? Will she unveil you by then? Or will she still
be too scared to acknowledge you as her beau to her folks? What's
gonna happen then?
She might just go back home breaking even, not having to had tell
anyone about you, and still having had you as her boyfriend. If
you're as serious about this as you seem, then you better pick Option
B, because you'll find out how serious she is about you really fast.
And if she's not serious at all you better find out so you can
make an informed decision about your relationship for yourself,
or you might wind up just getting played.
Good Luck
– Jayne
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