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Dear Wondering,
I think I'm still wondering,
too.
How
the Line Is Drawn
As your question makes
clear, there is no right answer to this age-old question. I think
the line of acceptability is drawn by the strength of the relationship
with your significant other. And, I think this goes for both men
and women.
Exes
Don't Matter If the Current Realtionship Is Good
If you and your "partner"
have a long-term, monogamous, healthy relationship, then past boyfriends
or girlfriends, whether you've slept with them or not, should not
have any impact on your current relationship.
Relationship
Problems Are the Issue
In my opinion, things
get murky the more questionable your relationship is with your current
"partner." In fact, I only really think this is an issue
if there are problems with your current relationship.
My
Female Friends
In my own experience,
I have turned to female friends for sexual liaisons when I was single.
It turned out to be wonderful, but, it did often change our friendships.
Would I have been more noble in forgoing those relationships? I
think it depends. I've had several women friends who I was very
drawn to but did not act on my sexual feelings, and our friendship
changed anyway as time went by. So I don't think there is a hard
and fast rule for this stuff.
Again, though, I think
that these issues become problems when the feelings are less than
clear-cut. If you still harbor feelings for an ex, or if your current
relationship is insecure, then cross-gender friendships can be land
mines.
 Destroying
Friendships
I've destroyed platonic
friendships by giving in to sexual feelings, because the sexual
feelings stretched the limit of the platonic connection. And, she
lost a boyfriend in the process.
So, as I often say, there's
no right way or wrong way, there's only the way that works.
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That's
certainly wishy-washy enough for me. Maybe YOU should go to
church. |
Wishy-washy enough for
you? If you want absolutes, go to church!
Love,
Charlie
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