Dear
Panel,
Platonic
Relationships
What
are the boundaries for men/women who have friendships with
members of the opposite sex? Despite what Billy Crystal said
in When Harry Met Sally, I full-heartedly believe that
men and women can be friends and have completely platonic
relationships -- I have several myself and have always been
comfortable with my former girlfriends' platonic relationships
with their guy friends. And keep in mind, by "friendship"
I mean regular contact with the person, not merely seeing/talking
with them a few times per year.
Friends
Who Have Sex
However,
for me, there seems to be a thin line dividing what's acceptable
in a friendship between members of the opposite sex. If one
of my former girlfriends happened to have had sex with the
guy she says is currently "just friends with," I
have had a difficult time accepting their friendship. Some
might call this jealousy, but is it really? Or is there a
universal stigma associated with a friendship that includes
sexual activity in the past? Admittedly, I have thought about
accepting invitations to be sexually active with some of my
women friends, but because I would hate to jeopardize our
friendship's future for a few romps in the hay, I have forgone
the opportunities.
Crushes
or Exes?
On
the other hand, if the girlfriend had had deep feelings for
this person, but for some reason or another, they never had
sex or pursued a romantic relationship, then I'm pretty comfortable
with their continued friendship. A few of my exes stated that
they didn't understand why I felt this way, and claimed that,
for them, it would actually be the other way around when it
came to any past lovers with whom I might still be friends
with.
The
Double Standard Against Men
From
almost everything I've read in some of the women's magazines
like Cosmo and such, they're always telling their readers
to not put up with their boyfriends still hanging around with
their exes. But there always seems to be a double standard
for women handing out with their exes. The magazines and the
women that read them seem to believe that us guys should be
comfortable with their friendships with exes. Now, this doesn't
apply to every woman out there -- I've found many who feel
the way I do --but for those that it does, what gives?
Should
I Be Noble or a Player?
In
addressing this 'double standard,' is my decision to not have
sex with my woman "friends" a noble one, or should
I expect a woman to completely accept these flings from the
past and vice versa?
Does
One's Past Affect a Present Friendship?
So,
I guess the question I propose (and please pass around to
all your friends, the more answers the merrier) is, "What
past history between friends of the opposite sex is acceptable
between two people trying to build a long-term, healthy relationship?"
--
Just Wondering
