I am too nice and too trusting.

My Angel

She is 27 years old. She's been in 4-5 serious relationships -- she lived with one guy and had a short marriage that ended due to her ex-husband cheating. Her name is "Angel".

Her Ex in San Diego

There is a guy ("Tom") that she was seeing for a few months before me. From what I can gather, he broke up with her and then later moved to San Diego (about 500 miles from where we live).

How We Met

We met at the gym, where we were introduced by a mutual friend. She is a part-time instructor at our gym and has a full time regular office job. We went out on our first date and have basically been committed to each other ever since that first date -- it moved very quick.

What Friends Say About Her

We discovered that we had a lot of mutual acquaintances. And early on I was hearing rumors -- not from very reliable sources -- that Angel lies a lot. It bothered me for a while, but I eventually decided that I would not pay too much attention to the rumors, especially because it did not come from very reliable sources.

The First Lies

Six months into the relationship we moved in together. And things were going really good. At this point I had caught her in only a few minor lies, nothing major. One day she tells me that Tom had called her at work to apologize for the way things went between them, she spoke very highly of him. She said that there was no catching up on things, just an apology not a bunch of friendly talk and it ended at that because she was not interested in a friendship with him. I asked out of curiosity how he got her number since she had changed jobs since they had last spoken. She did not know.

Her Airline Lie

The next week she tells me there is an event for instructors in San Diego that she wants to fly to. (Note: she is absolutely terrified to fly, she will only fly somewhere if she really wants to go.) She also says that usually everyone will take different flights and they won't be staying in a hotel, they'll be staying at sponsor's houses.

My Apology for Accusing Her

For some reason, I let her know that I though it was a strange coincidence that right after Tom calls her from San Diego that now she wants to go to San Diego. She was furious. And we went through a big argument about how I need to be able to trust her and how could I think that she would do something like that. So basically I ended up on my knees apologizing saying that I won't accuse her of anything like that again.

Phone Calls to Whom?

The next week, we were in the car together and she calls home to check our messages at home -- there was a message and she said it was her mom. While I was outside the car she calls back and deletes the message. When we get home, I look at the caller ID it was a San Diego area code. Eventually she confessed that it was Tom and that she was trying to protect my feelings. When I asked how he got the number, she didn't know.

Her Ex Leaves Messages

Right or wrong, I am suspicious as hell by now. So, I start checking her messages on her pager and cell phone, and I hear messages from Tom saying things like "I haven't heard from you today ... I'm calling you back ...". And then one message saying "I can't wait to see you next week." He still has friends in this area, so I assumed he was coming up here. That week she tells me that some people form her work are going out for drinks. So I confront her and tell her that I checked her messages and that I thought she was going to go see him. So we go through the same stuff again. She's mad at me because I don't trust her and I was checking her messages. That she didn't tell me because she knew I wouldn't be able to handle her talking to him. Eventually we both apologized and she said she would stop talking to him.

She Changed the Passwords

But now she's changed the passwords on her voicemail so I can't check them. A couple of days ago I check her cell phone which stores the last 10 calls she's made and she had called him that day. She is now wanting to go with a girlfriend to San Diego for a wedding.

Our Ending?

This is my dilemma: If I confront her it may lead to an argument so big that it may be the end of our relationship. If I don't, I'll be suspicious and driving myself insane with not knowing what's happening.

Should I be concerned? Should/How do I confront her?