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Dear Catch22,
You've
Already Made the Decision
OK -- so your dilemma
is that if you confront her you may end up hearing something you
didn't want to hear; and if you don't you live a lie for a few months.
Because you've already made a decision in this circumstance -- you
know she is keeping secrets from you and whatever the truth is the
secret-keeping can't be good.
The straight answer is:
confront her, get it over with, break up, and move on.
Maybe
Your Suspicions Are Wrong
However, I think there
is a larger lesson here. It is unfortunate that this particular
woman does appear to be keeping secrets, because you could've learned
something if your suspicions weren't confirmed: no one will ever
be open and honest and comfortable with you if you already think
they are a liar.
I
and My Boyfriend's "Distrustfulness" Thing
I've had this problem
myself. Before my current relationship grew up and became healthier,
we had this crazy little "distrustfulness" thing going.
My then-boyfriend suspected me of everything (just this general
suspiciousness, not of a particular evil) and because I was afraid
of making him more insecure or uncomfortable or whatever, I would
keep TOTALLY HARMLESS truths from him like who I'd been talking
to on the phone or who I studied for my test with, etc. Even though
I had done nothing wrong.
My
Unabashed Truths
Well, of course he caught
me in these little untruths, and trusted me less. It turned into
this vicious cycle. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, and decided
I would give him the unabashed truth and if he didn't like me for
me, to hell with him.
 How
We Built Trust
In our case, it worked
out well -- he trusted me more and I was more trustworthy. But he
also had to get a grip on his insecurities and realize that in my
life I was going to interact with men, have male friends, etc. and
that I still loved him no matter what.
In
Your Case, Just Give Up
In your case I doubt
that will happen. You are new enough and not important enough to
each other to make a real commitment to change both of your behavior.
So, just give up and take it as a lesson learned.
-- Judith
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