Dear Panel,

I am 31 year old male entrepreneur who is just recently married. I live in California.

My wife is Carol.

Marla is the other woman I love.

Carol and I

About 8 months ago, I married a girl whom I knew from high school and from around town. We started dating about 2 years ago. We were dating for about 8 months before she asked where the relationship was going and said that she wanted to get married.

My family liked her and they wanted me to settle down, be secure and grow up. So, my family urged me to marry this girl. I wanted the security, the social satisfaction and figured it was time in my life to settle down, so I decided to marry her. We lived together for about a year before we got married.

I had second thoughts about marrying her because I was not sure if it was a mistake. I made the engagement last almost two years just in case it was wrong.

Marla and I

Now, the problem:

Two years before I started dating my wife Carol, I met this wonderful woman whom I had strong feelings for. Her name is Marla. I have always loved Marla, but we never got together (it was bad timing for us both -- mostly for me.)

I just had come out of a relationship when I first met her in which I was hurt very badly and I did not want to get serious again. She, however, wanted to. I was not ready to make a full-fledged commitment again at the time and I really cared for her, but I did not want to hurt her.

That is when my now wife (Carol) came into picture and was very casual and did not ask for much. So, I started dating Carol because it was easy and convenient.

You see, the other woman lives one hour a way from me, and Carol lived right down the street and was okay with seeing me every once in a while with no commitment.

A Psychic Connection

Well, the problem is that the other woman (Marla) and I still love each other. We have this weird psychic connection that my wife and I have never had. I cannot explain this connection I have with Marla other than it is real and special.

I feel as though I have made the biggest mistake of my life by marrying Carol. I know that I was stupid now.

Magic, Passion, and Feelings, But No Sex

Also, after three years of me and Marla not seeing each other, we finally met for coffee to talk as friends. The magic is still there. There were so many feelings there and passion there, it was very hard to ignore it. Nothing sexual has happened between us, but I have thought about her every single day since I met her 4 years ago.

I almost called off my wedding because of my feelings for her. I think about her sometimes when I am having sex with my wife and when she is sitting right next to me in bed. I don't want to hurt my wife, but I cannot stop thinking about this other woman (Marla).

They Don't Approve

My wife does not want me to talk to this woman because she knows the history of us. And, every time she finds out we talk, there is a huge fight. I have not had an affair with this woman, so is what I am doing wrong? I have told my wife and family that Marla and I are only friends because technically we have not had an affair, but they have told me that I should no longer talk to her. But, I admit, I can't stay away from her without missing her so much that I ache. I will not live my life without having her in it. She is very important to me, and I will not give her up. I have told everyone that.

What should I do? My family will be so upset if I leave my wife.

 

- John

Hope, Mare, Mr. Survivor, and Jayne answer this question.