Dear John,

You're wondering if this is wrong? I'm surprised you even need to ask the question.

Yes, of course what you're doing is wrong.

Emotional and Physical Infidelities Are Both Destructive

Emotional infidelity is every bit as real and destructive as physical infidelity. You have already been unfaithful to your wife in your mind and your heart.

If he's already been unfaithful, maybe he should just go for it.

Carrying it out in the physical realm is the natural progression, based on the way you are allowing yourself to dwell on your thoughts and feelings for her.

Besides, it sounds like you have already made up your mind that you "will not" give up this emotional fantasy. The saddest part is that you think that lying, sneaking around, being unfaithful to your wife, and breaking your solemn vow to your wife will somehow satisfy you in the long run or lead to something worthwhile. You are making a huge mistake!

Commit to Your Wife -- No Exceptions

Haven't you ever made a mistake? He should get divorced and get help.

You have made a commitment to your wife, no matter what, to keep yourself exclusively for her. There are no exceptions.

I think he should get out of that marriage fast, before his wife insists that they have children.

The fact that you have feelings for Marla is completely irrelevant because it is too late. And feelings can be deceiving anyway! (The "forbidden fruit" always looks better... )

"Psychic Connection" = Lust

Only those who haven't felt it will believe that, because this connection John is referring to is NOT lust...it is something entirely separate and different.

And as for this so-called "psychic connection", I can explain that in one word. Lust. It always feels good at first... Hello! Wake up!! You are married to someone else. End of story. We all have to grow up and live with our choices.

YOU'RE the Problem, Not Your Wife

I agree that Marla will not solve his problems, but if he made a mistake, he should leave his wife.

You also need to realize that leaving your wife for another woman will not solve your problems. In the long run, you will not gain the fulfillment and intimacy you seek because you are carrying the problem with you. You see, you're the problem. Not your wife, and not these crazy feelings you have for Marla.

It's your inability to stick with a commitment and your misunderstanding of true committed marital love -- your inability to make your marriage work -- that will probably prevent you from succeeding in your next one. Why do you think there is such a huge divorce rate for second, third or even forth marriages, especially those that are the result of an adulterous affair?

Forget Marla and Focus on Your Wife

So the answer is quite simple. You must forget about Marla immediately and focus on your wife. Secret thoughts and feelings may seem harmless and private but are very dangerous because they usually lead you closer to action. And infidelity will haunt you the rest of your life. It is never, ever worth the momentary thrill you may experience. The pain of a ruined marriage and broken family will catch up with you!

Instead of looking for someone else, you need to get your focus back on your marriage and learn to appreciate what you have. Remember: the grass is always greener WHERE YOU WATER IT. Pour your energies and thoughts into your loving your wife and watch that relationship flourish! You may be amazed at how much of a response you will get from just a little effort.

God Can Help You Overcome Temptation

Realize that this temptation can be overcome through God's help. In the Bible it states that His strength is made perfect in our weakness. If you are having trouble overcoming your feelings or temptation for Marla, ask God to help you. Invite Him into your heart and life and let Him replace your desires with the right kind of desires -- for your wife.

You also need to completely avoid any situations in which you will experience this temptation. No more phone calls, visits, thoughts, and fantasies.

- Hope