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Jeannie
responds:
It's
Not Lust; It IS a True Connection
Only those who
haven't felt it will believe that, because No, No, NO --
this connection John is referring to is NOT lust...it is
something entirely separate and different.
I understand
the connection...Great Love#2 (check my bio
for details) and I had the same thing...it was unexplainable.
We had an uncanny ability to "sense" each other...we
always managed to know when the other one was hurting, even
if we were miles away from each other or hadn't talked in
months. There was more than one occasion when one of us
would be going through some rough times and the other would
call because we felt the pain of the other person.
Sound crazy?
Perhaps, but it was very real, it happened more than once
and we were never wrong. That connection IS real don't let
anyone else convince you that it's not.
The
Connection Is Not Enough
BUT! The connection
is not enough, even though it might give you a feeling for
each other that never truly goes away. GL#2 is now married
to someone else, and I have a wonderful boyfriend...we still
keep in touch, via email only...We learned our lesson and
we also learned the boundaries of what was acceptable. We
learned the hard way and we hurt a lot of people in the
process, including ourselves.
Been
there, done that...
For me, GL #2
was exactly to me what you have described Marla is to you...we
had a friendship that went beyond the boundaries of friendship
(and yes, you are beyond that already)..and it was only
a matter of time before that friendship became closer and
closer...until people got hurt. GL#2 and I had broken up,
separated and while we were both involved with other people,
started becoming friends again. Our friendship took a priority
in our lives that overrode everything and everyone else...including
his girlfriend of the time. She didn't want him to talk
to or see me...he told her she didn't have a choice, that
I was his friend and that was the end of it.
Hind
sight is 20/20 for a reason...
It wasn't fair
in retrospect. We couldn't keep a cap on our feelings for
each other. I had also been dating someone...but I had the
courage to end my relationship with that person once I realized
that my feelings were elsewhere. I respected the person
I'd been seeing and felt he deserved a chance to find someone
to truly love him...not someone who was pining after another.
Learn from my mistakes...
When you place
an abnormal amount of importance on a friendship, where
it takes a priority over the feelings of your wife and perhaps
even your marriage, you are not being honest with yourself.
Looking back, what I did was wrong..my expectations were
wrong. He was with someone else, and I had no right to expect
to be more important to him than she was. But I was..and
everyone got hurt. We had our relationship, they had theirs
and somewhere it all got so mixed up and that nothing ended
up right. Everything had been ruined.
And I know for
a fact that I would never allow that to happen to me in
reverse now...I would never allow a female friend to be
more important to my boyfriend than I am...because I know
what that means, and I know what is symbolizes. Perhaps
you can learn from my mistakes.
You
need to re-evaluate your marriage
Your wife may
be comfortable to you, but she deserves better than a husband
who is in love with someone else. You had doubts to begin
with, but allowed yourself to see past them and continue
with the marriage. You married this woman. She was what
you needed at the time that you started dating her.
I will not in
any way, shape or form tell you to end your marriage...before
you consider a step like that, you really need to think
things through for yourself. But you are walking a really
thin line right now. What you are doing IS wrong...it's
wrong for all involved, it's wrong for your marriage and
you ARE going to hurt people...your wife, Marla and yourself.
Trust this from someone who knows...someone who's been where
you are...it will only lead to hurt.
Relationships
Are Based On Trust
Relationships
of any kind need to be based on trust...how much trust will
your marriage sustain if you are thinking of another woman?
How must trust will a relationship with Marla sustain if
your relationship is based on cheating on your wife? You
may not be physically cheating (YET), but you ARE cheating.
Face
Your Marriage
You need to balance
your marriage on the merits of it alone...take Marla out
of the picture for a while. You have to face your marriage
first. Every time you talk to Marla, every time you see
her, you are hurting your wife...damaging your relationship
and her trust in you. She FEELS what you aren't telling
her...count on that. Give your wife the respect she deserves
and work out your marriage first...whether you stay or leave
will be up to the two of you. NOT you and Marla.
--Jeannie
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