Dear Panel,

I am 22 years old, have had little luck in the dating scene. I tend to get close to a girl from a friend aspect, rather than a potential relationship.

Jennifer

Her name is Jennifer, she'll most likely not see this, but a part of me wants to keep this anonymous. She's very attractive. Has a physical disability that people would never know about until they met her (its no a big deal at all) and got to know her.

Our Friends

We have a rather large circle of friends , around 10 people, all of us get along very well and have known each other all through high school and beyond

I have this problem with getting a girlfriend. Girls I try to "court" or whatever I tend to end up being that "really good friend" in which they would not want to ruin by becoming romantically involved.

We Were a Couple -- Without the Sex

Jennifer and I became very good friends 3 years ago. About a year after knowing each other we got pretty close. We were at the point of everyone around us thought we were boyfriend-girlfriend. We were constantly together. From the moment she'd wake up to the last hours before I'd take her home to sleep. Every day. Very few days passed that we didn't see each other. She would often call me from work during the day just to talk. We were basically a couple -- without the sex.

She Wouldn't Take It Farther

Well, after a good year of this, I really started to attached to her. I loved her very much as a friend, and really wanted to take our relationship farther. But for whatever reason, she was not into it. We spoke very rarely about "us", as it just seemed to make things uncomfortable.

She Dates Co-Workers

About a year ago she took a new job at a restaurant. I started seeing her less and less, as she was always going out with people from work. Then one day, the night before I was leaving for a week vacation, she springs it on me. She is dating her boss there. Of course I was inevitably crushed by this, but I stood tall and talked to her about it. Well when I got back from my vacation, things really turned for the worse. I went about 2 weeks without even speaking to her. I then basically became bitter over her, and had no desire to see her. She called a few times, but I never called her back.

She Broke Up With Her Boss ...

Until one day she shows up at my doorstep. Of course she broke up with him. And she immediately (that night) came over to see me. We talked for a bit, and actually started hanging out again. For some reason, things looked better than ever, maybe she needed it. To see what she really gave up for this guy in returning to me.

.... Then Found Another ...

Well, as they say lightning supposedly never strikes the same place twice -- she started another guy from her work. And again we stopped talking.

... And He's Abusive

About 3 months later she calls me, crying her eyes out saying she needs to see me badly. So I go meet her. To make a long story short -- this guy is very abusive to her (verbally, thankfully not physically) and treats her really bad. I spent the next 3 or 4 hours with her. She was crying in my arms in the parking lot of the restaurant I met her at. She continually told me how much she cares about me, and knows how much I care for her, and how I would do anything for her. She kept questioning her life up until this night. The night ended bad for me, hearing all this, realizing there's nothing I could do. I saw her maybe 2 times since then. Both were nights where she had gotten into horrible fights with her boyfriend.

As it turns out, from friends telling me, she never is with this guy. The relationship seems very superficial. It's just -- there. They see each other very rarely.

What I See in Her Eyes

Last time I saw her, she was alone sitting at the bar of a restaurant. It had been a good 2 or 3 months since I had seen her last. I was just about to the point of getting over her. But that night I saw her -- the way she looked at me. The image of her standing there has never left my head. I could see it in her eyes that she wanted to see me again.

She's in My Dreams

So for the next couple months I had done my best to remove her from my daily thoughts. Attempted other relationships. But for some reason, the last 2 weeks, I have done nothing but dream about her. The dreams are all very "situational". She is just there -- not necessarily speaking to me, just in the background. And of course it has sparked thoughts of seeing her again.

She Appreciates Me When She's Drunk

I cared about her more than I could ever imagine. I would, and have done more things for her than any one person should. She only seems to recognize these things when she has had to much too drink though. Then and only then, she is very emotional, and I somehow receive the credit for being such a caring person towards her.

We're Jealous Friends

My friends think I am crazy, and think I should move on. They think she used me as a "crutch". Someone she could rely on, and get emotional fulfillment out of. Throughout our "relationship" if either of us, even so much as looked at a member of the opposite sex different, we'd get very jealous of each other. I have seen her literally get very mad and angry at me, because I went out with an friend from high school (who was of course female).

Should I get back in contact with her? Or is not worth it?

-- Utterly Confused

Charlie, Mensch & Mo answer this question.