Dear Panel,

I am in love with the father of my boyfriend. I have already kissed him but I don't wanna lose my boyfriend.

What should I do?

Lefty Answers:

Start treating your boyfriend like a son.

Dear Panel,

Lefty Answers:

It doesn't sound quite like "love" to me. It sounds more like an "unrequited incestuous crush".

Try liking someone who isn't related to you.

Dear Panel,

Last May (2000), I legally changed my first name. About 3 weeks ago , I met this women that I'm head over heels with -- and I have not told her that I changed my name

The problem is, I'm paranoid and worried about being in public with her, because I'm afraid someone I used to know will approach me and call me by my old name.

What should I do? Should I tell her that I changed my name? Is it too soon? How should I tell her? What should I say? Please help, I would really appreciate any advice.

Thanks.

Lefty Answers:

If someone does call you by your old name, explain to her that you're in the Witless Relocation Program.

Dear Panel,

I have a friend (Josh) and he has been my friend for years. Now how do I tell him I love him?

Love, Mase

Lefty Answers:

How about telling him this:

"I think of you when I'm dirty,
I think of you after I wash.
I don't want to sound too flirty,
But I want you to know, you're my very special Josh."

Dear Panel,

I'm 18/f and my best friend is 18/m. He tells me that he thinks of me like a sister but he flirts with me and he is very jealous.

I'm not exactly "pretty" and I'm overweight.

Is he embarrassed or what???

Lefty Answers:

If he's your best friend, then he's not embarrassed by you. Otherwise he's not even your friend.

Dear Panel,

He said that I am a nice girl but I am not good looking so he doesn't want to go out with me.

Lefty Answers:

Well, now you're nice AND lucky that he won't go out with you, so count your blessings.

Dear Panel,

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years. I want him to find me sexy .

Here's what most men prefer...

Bring him beer and wear a bikini.

Dear Panel,

I met this girl in a bar last night; she gave me her phone number and I said that I would ring her. When I did and asked her out for a drink, she said she was not interested.

But she was -- last night we got off with each other.

She was cool last night and thought I was too drunk, but was still interested.

Should I ring her again?

Lefty Answers:

Get really drunk and then give her a call.

Dear Panel,

Almost all of my friends are male, and I like it better that way. But I recently engaged in drunk sex with a friend and continued it for two weeks and it was then abruptly stopped, without reason.

We were good friends before and now we hardly speak. What do I say to get back the friendship we lost?

Lefty Answers:

I'm impressed; I rarely have drunken sex for more than 48 hours.

Dear Panel,

Does Lefty have a big penis? I don't want some smart alec remark from Lefty, either.

-- female/age 19/USA

Lefty Answers:

What would you do with information about Lefty's appendage?

How can I answer this one? Testimonials anyone?

Dear Panel,

I can't seem to give my partner all of me. Why?

Lefty Answers:

Maybe your partner only asked for an arm and a leg.

Dear Panel,

I am in love my my boss. Not only that, but he is 20 years older than me.

We go out and we have wonderful time together, but I still don't think he is feeling the same way I do.

He is always there for me. He is very romantic and a good friend. Should I stop this relationship before it goes further??

Lefty Answers:

It depends. Have you gotten a lot of promotions lately?

Dear Panel,

I'd like to know who's the one for me!!!!

Lefty Answers:

Start talking to some boys and you'll be able to see who's not for you.

Dear Panel,

What do you do when you were with someone for so long that you forgot how to be alone?

Lefty Answers:

Why would you want to remember being alone?

Dear Panel,

I have a girl friend right. She's in Brooklyn I am in New Jersey, but I really really like this girl ... Pam. She in my school -- I think she likes me.

What DO I DO? I think I like her more.

Lefty Answers:

Gimme a break -- I'm from California, what do I know?

There's no problem if you can take the subway to New Jersey.

Dear Panel,

I am a sort of traditional Mexican girl that loves Spanish music, loves to dance it and speak it.

But he's third generation here. His mother never taught him the Mexican culture. He understands Spanish but he can't speak it well. He can't dance to Mexican music -- nothing. He acts like a white boy.

We are so different that we don't agree on things.

Lefty Answers:

Date other people.

Dear Panel,

Is het mogelijk dat een man te weten komt dat zijn pas getrouwde vrouw geen maagd meer is?

Lefty Answers:

I think it's Dutch. Can any readers help?

Beats me. Do we have any Irish translators around?

Dear Panel,

I need help just to trying to get girls.

Lefty Answers:

Maybe the problem is that you put as little effort into meeting girls as you do in phrasing your help questions.

Dear Panel,

What does "keep in touch" really mean?

Lefty Answers:

It means "See ya later."