Her next move in life is up to her.

You cannot guide her, assist her, or persuade her to any decision that you think is best for her. Keep in mind that she both has a mother and is a mother, and these are the two people she will look to when making her decision.

You're Just a Friend

He can't be a supportive friend if he's suffering.

Where do you fit in this? Simply as a supportive friend. Sorry, that's all you are.

No matter how much you love her, she loves you, you love her daughter, WHATEVER, you are nothing more than a friend to her.

Why offer his place if she didn't come to him last time?

You should tell her that if she is in any danger, your place is available to crash in. And let her know you love her and want to help her in whatever decision she makes.

Lay Off

You're right, Judith. He should back off now.

And then you should just LAY OFF and let her figure out what to do without the complications of meeting YOUR needs for love.

Love Is Impossible If It's Not Mutual

Sorry to be so heavy handed. It's because I sense some delusional quality to you -- you love someone with "all your heart" who obviously is not in love with you (not, in my opinion, possible); you love her daughter "as your own" even though you have had no contact with her mother in four months (not likely).

Forget About the Money Issue

The money issue is separate and is best left alone until the turmoil of mental illness and foolish choices dies down.

Children Come First

But some advance warning: when you are a parent, providing for your child becomes VERY important. It may be crass or terribly unromantic, but for millennia women have chosen to stay with men (and possibly vice versa) who may not be their ideal mate but can provide a home for their child.

In the future, don't whine about what you can't provide, and instead think about what you can provide and have to offer. But only SEVERAL months from now when this other mess has stabilized.

-- Judith