Dear Panel,

Always Dumped

I am Michael. I have been in a few serious relationships before all which broke down because of lack of communication. I was always the one who was left behind, and so my state of mind about dating was that I wasn't good enough to be dated.

My Music

I had a successful high school career and have always been respected for my musical abilities, but the relationship aspect of my life was the one place I had a self esteem problem.

My Shosha

Shosha is the most unique person I have ever met. I really think she has no idea how brilliant and beautiful she is, which adds the my attraction to her. She is also a musician, but her forte is in writing, using words. She is a very sensitive person, and I think she sees the whole world in a way vastly unique to anyone else I have ever known. She is very sympathetic towards women's issues and minority issues, more than myself at times, but basically in all aspects of our mental attitudes we are the same. We have the same devotion to honesty (with ourselves and each other) and open communication and not limiting each other in our relationship.

My Ex

Lisa, my ex-extremely-serious-girlfriend-exchange student from Germany, cheated on me and dumped me once she got back.

Her Ex

Stan is Shosha's most recent ex-boyfriend (another extremely serious relationship) who suddenly broke up with her. Shosha and I dealt with her getting over him through much of our relationship.

Jay is my musical partner and best friend.

Stephanie is Shosha's current roommate and originally a friend of Jay's.

Well, when I was happily dating Lisa, my band performed one night at the local music store where I taught lessons. Jay had invited a friend of his, Stephanie, to come and see us. Steph lived about 4 hours away, and so she brought several friends with her, one of which was Shosha. Stephanie had a lakehouse just outside of town (where she met Jay) and Lisa and I joined everyone there for a little party afterwards. Jay and I played some, and Shosha played that night too. I thought she was interesting, but we didn't talk.

Lisa Had To Return To Germany

Lisa left under bad circumstances to go back to Germany, but we stayed together. On July 4 that year, I actually met Shosha and we talked all night. Even though Lisa and I were still together, I felt something really strong for Shosha.

Lisa Dumped Me; Shosha Comforted Me

To make a long story a little shorter, I put Shosha out of my mind until Lisa called in late August and broke up with me. I was devastated for months, and during that time, I E-mailed Shosha nearly every day. She and Stephanie came to visit me several times. Shosha was with a guy named Tyler, and I really liked her, but was content just to have her around. I felt a stronger connection with her than anyone ever before, and I was happy just getting to experience that.

Shosha Left Tyler for Stan

I had no idea at that point how you felt about me.

Eventually, over a year after we met, Shosha broke up with Tyler and immediately started seeing another guy, Stan. I had been hopeful that something could happen between us, but she seemed really happy with Stan so I resigned myself to be happy for her and to be a close friend. This did not affect the way I felt for her, though. We actually got closer than ever during her time with Stan.

Stan Dumped Shosha; I Comforted Her

Shosha was very happy with Stan, until he suddenly broke up with her. I was there to comfort her. We got even closer. I wanted more and more to tell her how I felt, but I knew that she didn't need me among all the other guys who were badgering her since the breakup. So I was content not to pull her and just to help her deal with everything. She sent me a letter about Stan at some point, though, which made me decide that I couldn't be what Stan was, and so I tried to divert my romantic attention from her.

At a point, my feelings became intrusive to the friendship, and I decided to confess anyway, just to clear the air and allow us to be better friends. I waited until I felt she was stable enough with the Stan situation to handle me being in love with her.

I may not have kissed you if I hadn't been tipsy at the time.

So I told her everything one night, and after slight hesitation, she kissed me, and we were together from that point on.

A Perfect Long Distance Relationship

Our relationship is now 7 months old and it has been as close to perfect as a long distance relationship can be. We've had our disagreements and hard times, but we are always supportive of each other and keep communication wide open. We enjoy having intellectual arguments because we don't really get upset about them, and we see each other as often as possible.

She goes to school in Charleston, which is 4 hours or so from me, but we talk often several times a day, and see each other most weekends.

A Different Way of Living

The situation has come up now where I may be able to move to Charleston for a while, to try a different way of living and see where I am happiest, among a LOT of other things.

Five Months in Charleston?

Shosha and I living together is a big deal, but comes low on the list of importance of why I would spend 5 months in Charleston. We have had some concerns, however, about the strain of moving into such close quarters after an extended long distance relationship.

This relationship is, for both of us, worlds apart from any other and we are so happy together. I don't think even if it were a hard transition, it would break us apart, but we are concerned about the effect it could have on the relationship.

What things should we be aware of and be careful for? Any advice on this?

-- Michael