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Dear Anonymous,
Meaningless
Sex
The first thing is quite
unfortunate, but it is very easy to have sex with somebody that
you don't care about if you are confused enough, hurt enough, or
drunk enough.
Relationship
Doomed Without Forgiveness
The second is that if
you can't find a way to forgive this, your relationship will never,
ever work out. Maybe in your eyes, Tina was unfaithful to you. And
you are not alone in that opinion.
Technically,
She Didn't Cheat
However, you were not
together when it happened. The truth is that since she did something
that maybe you believe was out of character, you are disappointed,
and you want to see the innocent girl that you knew before, not
somebody who is now "tainted". You have to consider several things.
One is that you and Tina were not together at the time this happened.
While emotionally you feel violated, technically she did not cheat
on you.
Mistakes
in Youth
Another thing to consider
is how young the two of you are. Mistakes like this will happen
again and again in your lives, and if you don't take the best learning
experience from them, you are doomed to repeat them.
Rebound Sex
The third thing you might
want to consider is the triviality of "rebound sex", since it sounds
like that is what she had. It is romantic that you have such a close
association with love and sex, and by all means if you can postpone
being jaded even for a short time then more power to you, but in
many cases it is easy to pretend for the duration of sex that there
are deep feelings involved, that this offers security, that this
someone has swept you off of your feet. Later the walk of shame
kicks in, but it's too late.
Don't
Ever Look Back
I can't tell you how
to find forgiveness, but I can tell you that once you decide to
move forward, don't ever look back, or your relationship will always
have that bitterness attached to it. Even worse, if you don't work
out, you will carry that distrust in all your future relationships
in which case you become your own worst enemy.
Good luck
-- Alicia
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