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Dear Confused,
Your values are important,
too!
Deferring
to the Pious
We have a tendency in
our society to defer to the pious. Oh, we wouldn't want to trod
on his religion. Oh, we should respect what is holy. Frankly, the
whole premarital sex thing to me is a crock!
Premarital
-- Without a Marriage Proposal?
I question how pious
he really is if you are both getting close to sex! Shouldn't he
be proposing about now? I really don't get the religious condemnation
of the act of love. Seems to me, if you two are really in love,
then sex is the natural consequence. Rushing into marriage to have
sex is really a mistake.
You
Don't Need a Priest's Permission
Bottom line is that you
TOO have rights to feeling good about this relationship. You don't
need his priest's or anyone else's permission to feel good in the
relationship. And, if you don't, you should get out. Period.
Sex
a Substitute for Self Worth
Now, why are you not
feeling good? Do you really need to have sex to feel attractive
and not rejected? Is that all that your self worth is about? I don't
think so. What else is going on in your relationship that is making
you feel rejected?
Real Intimacy
In my opinion, mature
love is about real intimacy and sharing. Outside influences like
family and religion become secondary, and should be secondary, as
long as you both are adults and know what you are getting yourselves
into. Why would you want to be married to someone who needs to ask
his priest if he really loves you?
Sorry for being so one-sided,
but I can guess where some of my fellow panelists will stand on
this. Inevitably, it's up to you to decide how long you wait, and
what you are really waiting for.
Love,
Charlie
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