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Dear Clare,
Sex appeal
doesn't vanish!
In my opinion, something
has changed between you that has CAUSED your sexual feelings to
diminish. I have several theories:
- He has changed
in his relating to you. Either he is less communicative, less
attentive, or less focused on you; or, he has changed his physical
appearance (gained or lost weight, stopped showering, etc.) that
might lead you to feel less aroused in his presence.
- You have met someone
else. You
have grown tired of the same old same old and have found yourself
drawn to a new and exciting possibility. That could easily sour
your hots for your honey.
- This is a pattern
for you. Many people are really good at the first stages of
the relationship. They love the flirting, the romance, the anticipation
of the coming date, the early sexual exploration...gee, I'm feeling
pretty excited just thinking about it. But, the reality is that
these feelings subside over time, often within a year. Then what?
Do you get bored? Do you miss the romance and excitement? Have
you lost previous boyfriends because either he or you got bored?
Communicate
Your Desires
The answer, in my humble
opinion, is communication. If you are feeling less desired by him,
tell him. If you want flower, candy, dates and back rubs, tell him.
If you feel drawn to other men...don't tell him, but try to find
out what's going on between you that would lead you to want to seek
other relationships.
Know Your Own Desires
Sex is not an on/off
switch. Usually it's the guy who needs help communicating the things
that really turn him on. In your case, you are not doing enough
to help him see what pushes your buttons. If you're not sure yourself,
then think about your desire not coming from your boyfriend, but
coming from you. What is it that really turns you on? Can he do
those things? If so, then stop writing for advice and get going!!
Love,
Charlie
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