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Dear Laura,
He
Has a Point
At first glance, I thought
that maybe your boyfriend was asking for the infamous "space",
but as I re-read your letter (with my English teacher eyes), I see
his point, to some degree.
Language
Barrier
I live in a Southern
state and I often come in contact with people who are not native
English speakers. We can both communicate enough to express greetings,
basic cordial sayings and, in most cases, fairly simple dialogue.
However, as it pertains to deep, complicated subjects where words
don't necessarily mean the same thing in every culture, often meaning
can get lost in trying to translate and/or use "every-day"
words in any language. He does have a point about the fact that
you two are talking at two different paces.
Understand
Each Other's Culture
Having said that, I do
question why (after all these months) he has decided that this is
an issue. Obviously, he hasn't tried to go beyond a simple relationship
until now. Getting to know you will mean getting to know your culture,
really understanding where you're coming from and he may have to
really re-word things so that the two of you can come to an understanding
about things; and you might have to do the same.
He
Doesn't Know You
The language barrier
has presented a problem for him and he may not be willing to work
through it. I guess the easy answer would be: "If he loves
you, he will." But I'm not sure he really knows you enough
to love you. If he feels like he's talking to a pre-schooler when
he talks to you, he has never really known or respected you as the
wonderful Chinese woman that you are.
"Math"
Poeple Shouldn't Quantify Love
Finally, (as a math minor)
I understand the lack of communication that plagues this field where
numbers speak a universal language and the bottom line is always
a number that everyone can relate to and understand. Matters of
the heart are not so easily understood. For those who learn that
there is an explanation for everything and a formula for every problem
in the world, love is an anomaly. When two "math" people
hook up, it can be like the blind leading the blind, girlfriend!
Let
Him Go
My advice to you is to
let him go. The worst thing you can do for yourself is to chase
after someone who is ready to move on. Set him free. He may or may
not come back.
Don't
Be His Crutch
I caution you, however,
against being his crutch - the one person he can always come running
back to between heartbreaks. Don't be a fool for love, my sister!
He can't have his cake and eat it, too.
Stop Dating Other Engineers
In the meanwhile, lay
off dating other engineers for a while. You just might find your
perfect match in the Human Resources office!
-- Sistergirl
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