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Dear Goldenbear,
What
Girls Her Age Like
I guess I'll answer your
last question first: What do girls her age like? Guys your age!
You're probably a lot more mature than the guys she's going to school
with, and since you seem to feel this chemistry between the two
of you, she probably feels it, too.
A
Mishap In Her Education and Your Employment
Now for the bad news:
At this time, you should not date her. She is your student and any
mishap in your relationship will mean a mishap in her education
- and possibly your employment.
She is young and in a
vulnerable position. You are coaching her through a difficulty right
now; therein lies the problem. Your intentions are irrelevant at
this time. The situation warrants sound judgement and a sense of
what is best for both you and the young lady involved.
If
It Doesn't Work Out
Worst-case scenario:
you ask her out, you guys start dating, it doesn't work out, she
doesn't feel comfortable with you as her tutor and your employer
doesn't feel comfortable with you tutoring young girls. Not to mention
her parents. I mean, if you were paying good money to have your
child tutored by a professional and then she came home and said
he asked her out, how would you react?
What
You Mean By "Sweet"
From the sound of it,
you're only attracted to her because she's so sweet: AKA naive,
innocent, gullible, snow white. Very different from the college
girls you encounter daily. Hey, I can't really blame you. Lots of
guys want a "good girl". And the fact is, she may genuinely
be a great girl. Heck, she might even be the One.
Don't
Cross Those Lines
But I don't think that
you should cross this line until the two of you have severed the
tutor / student relationship and (perhaps) when she's 18. [As I
mentioned before, those sweet little sheltered girls can have some
very protective parents.]
You're
in the Position of Power
The dynamics of the tutor/student
relationship can often lead to feelings of infatuation and / or
inappropriate relations. As the adult involved, I think it's important
for you to recognize this. It's important that you put distance
between your professional connection and your personal connection.
If it's already confusing to you, imagine how much more confusing
it will be for her. As it stands, whether you realize it or not,
you are in the position of power. It may not be such a good idea
to start the relationship out in that mode.
Wait
for Her
My advice to you is to
wait until she is no longer your student and then ask her out. The
age is a secondary issue to me. However, depending on how her parents
feel about this, you may need to wait until she is 18.
A Liability to Your Employer
Finally, consider your
employment. If you start a relationship with this young lady, will
your employer trust you to tutor other young ladies? Frankly, I
wouldn't. That would pose too much liability for me and my company.
Face facts: we're living in a society full of older guys preying
on younger girls. We're also living in a society full of law-suit
happy losers who will do anything to get 15 minutes on Oprah and
a million dollars from an undisclosed settlement.
You
Can Put Your Heart on Hold
I know that it is hard
to put your heart on hold. I have been there and done that. And
I can tell you that it has been done and it can be done. If you
really care about her and her well-being (as well as your own),
approach her when you are both on a level playing field. It will
get your relationship off to a great start!
-- Sistergirl
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