Survivor Answers:

Dear Torn,

Marriages Aren't the Only Relationships Where Sex Can Get Stale

I know you are not married, but maybe part of the answer is to be found there. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, etc.

For me, being with the "one", legal ties or not, is the same. Truly being in love is a great thing and it sounds like you just might be, but it doesn't mean that things might not get "stale" after a while, and sex is not all there is to a relationship. You were quite young when you met up with this guy, so that might be part of the equation.

That Next Guy's Bulge

Just think, that next guy might be handsome, well-built, sexy, and have a huge bulge in the appropriate place. He might also be into group sex, date rape and emotional and verbally abusive behavior towards women. Care to take the chance and switch from loving, kind and understanding?

A Fantasy Is Just a Fantasy

Until she has pursued some of her fantasies and sown her wild oats, she may not be ready to give up her fantasies.

A fantasy might just be that: a fantasy; and I can tell you from experience, there are some good ones out there, but that is all they are: fantasies. Go and seek professional help on the matter before you make a decision, because it feels to me like you will make a decision, right, wrong or indifferent in the near future.

Don't Tell Him Until After You've Seen a Therapist

I don't suggest you talk to him about the subject before you have a chance to process this problem through, with the help form a professional. If he wants to know why you are seeing a doctor, tell him it's a personal problem dealing with you, and this is about you, not him. It's a thorny patch you're in right now, but if you love each other as much as you say, both of you will get through it.

The Grass Is Dead on the Other Side of the Fence

Try to remember, the grass is NOT always greener on the other side. I know, I look over the fence into the neighbor's yard and his wife is young and sexy, but his lawn is dead.

I Glance, But I Don't Stare

By the way, my wife has multiple illnesses that render our sex life all but gone, so I have other interests to keep me occupied, and I don't love her less because of them. I see plenty of beautiful women around during the course of the day, and they sometimes make great fantasies. I have learned that because of our situation, when I am out with my wife and see a pretty girl, to look or glance, not to stare.

-- Survivor

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