Survivor Answers:

Dear Clubbingirly,

If You Want It Bad Enough

Of course you can change, if you want it bad enough. Mistakes are just that: mistakes, if you learn from them and move in a positive direction.

Move On

You did what you did because

• "it felt good",
  
• "you wanted to feel or be loved", or
  
• who knows what,

You did what you did, put it behind you, and move on.

Momentum

I belong to a fellowship of men and women that teaches that if you want to keep getting what you're getting, just keep doing what you're doing. When you have come to the point where you are beaten enough you will change, this I promise.

If you are truly serious about changing, then I suggest you get some professional help and look at the reasons for your actions. I feel that they go beyond being young, being silly, looking for a good time, or "it just felt good".

You Have To SHOW Them That You Have Changed

I know because no one believed me at first.

As for your rep: nothing can change that now, what's done is done. It's like a thief who just got out of jail or an ex-drug-head. They decide to change and can't understand why no one will trust or believe them. Why should we?

She can even take it a step further and get a reputation as a tease.

In this fellowship we say, like the state of Missouri, "Show Me." Get the help, maybe stay celibate, make some new friends (male and female), go out on dates that end in handshakes (not in bed). Do the changes out in plain sight and keep to them the best you can.

Make a New Reputation

I agree. The only people who matter are her friends. It doesn't matter what streangers say.

Don't listen to those who will bad mouth you; they want only to drag you down into THEIR gutter again and again. Anyone can change a bad rep, given time and action on their part. This I personally know for sure to be true. The best revenge against that kind of scum is to live the changes and move on with your life; most of them won't.

No One Believed Me at First

By the way, I was a drunk and a drug-head for almost 20 years of my life and had that rep and was a mean, nasty bastard who liked to hurt people.

No one would believe me at first when I had a bad day and said I would not get drunk or go punch someone over it.
Today, almost 18 years later, people know for sure that those words are true.

– Mr. Survivor

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