Dear Arie,

The Sin Is Fantasizing, Not Looking

You ended your question with an interesting statement: "I really don't want to feel that looking at other woman is a sin because I know its not."

But they're NOT women. They're just photos, not the real thing.

You are right. Looking at women (even naked women) is not a sin.

Down with the thought police! A thought cannot be a sin!

It is however a sin to engage in sexual relations (even mentally) with a woman who is not your wife.

Why be sanctimonious about it? It doesn't matter what Matthew said. He needs to respect his girlfriend's feelings.

You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Matthew 5:27-28

Incidental Looking, or Masturbation Material?

If you were reading magazines that happened to have pictures of attractive women in them, you could claim that you are simply admiring these women's physiques and great level of physical fitness as a part of your perusal of the magazine. Your girlfriend just might go for that.

However, that is not what you said. You said that you enjoy "looking" at these women and that you have a history in Internet pornography. This tells me that your interest has gone beyond a cursory observation of an attractive body. Most likely you are fantasizing about these women and using them as a catalyst for masturbation.

You Are Cheating On Your Girlfriend

I disagree. Your belief system really scares the living s*** out of me!

Masturbation is not a sin. The sin comes under fantasizing about a woman who is not your wife. Your girlfriend is right to be concerned.

Unrealistic expectations?? EVERY magazine, movie, tv show that we watch portrays unrealistic views of women.

The women in these magazines are an idealized picture of femininity. They have been nipped, tucked and airbrushed. If you are fulfilling your sexual fantasies and needs with these women, you not only have unrealistic expectations of a sexual relationship, you are, mentally at least, cheating on her.

Don't Delude Yourself About What's Right

Sorry, Jody, you're wrong! He is right for HIM. Enjoying porn does not make him a sinner.

Sorry, Arie. I'm going to have to side with your girlfriend on this one. Maybe you aren't really concerned about the sin aspect of the issue. That's your choice, but don't delude yourself into thinking that you are in the right.

You Have No Right To Denigrate Her

You may someday find a girlfriend who is comfortable with your use of these magazines. Chances are that she will indulge herself. That is also your choice. However, you have no room to denigrate this girl because she has the sensibilities to point out just what you are doing and the effect that it has on her.

Sincerely,
Jody