Dear "A woman without a man",

Wearing a Loser Magnet

First things first: Losers know where they can and cannot go. They know who to play around with and who will read them their rights from the beginning. If you're wearing a loser magnet (and you seem to be), perhaps it's because your inner strengths are not being exposed soon enough in a relationship.

Let Your Intelligence Ooze Out

I understand that being an attractive female can be a drawback – men may be thinking that you're a stupid bimbo and an easy lay at first glance. You can't help who is physically attracted to you.

No, she shouldn't unload her educated lingo – it will scare away men.

But your presence, the way you carry yourself, and (most importantly) when you open your mouth to speak, that confidence, intelligence and ambition should be oozing out of you, girl.

Be True to Yourself from the Beginning

I'm not covering it up. In fact, they say they appreciate my independence and ambition in the beginning.

Consider the fact that you may be covering up these qualities in the beginning, relying on your good looks to speak for you initially. If you're holding back on who you are because you don't want to scare anybody off, you're the one who's defeating you! Lay those cards out there. You are not desperate. You can have any man you want. And if a man can't roll with those punches, he's not the kind of man you're looking for. If you're a challenge from the beginning, losers aren't likely to tangle with you.

Why You're Not Doing the Dumping

I am concerned that the losers are the ones with sense enough to end the relationship. Why aren't you seeing that they are losers long before you've invested the time, energy, and emotions that one puts into establishing a relationship? If you are actually getting hurt and losing to losers, I'm wondering how far things go before there's an end to it. Are they just getting what they want (a temporary trophy, a roll in the hay with a sexy girl) and then dumping you?

Your Habit of Suppressing Who You Are

You know, sometimes a loser can be cleverly disguised as a pretty good guy. And sometimes a pretty good guy can turn into a loser, given the right opportunity. You are the determining factor. You choose the people that you allow into your life. I'm not saying that you have to be a "bitch" when it comes to men. You are probably a nice person who gives all men a chance. But let's face facts: this has been going on for five years. If it's a pattern, it's not random. It seems to me that you're suppressing who you are and compromising, settling for men who don't appreciate everything that you have to offer.

List Your Criteria

I agree. She should make a list.

Now, here's what needs to happen. Get some criteria together. Write it down: what kind of man do I want?

• Is he smart?
• Is he spiritual?
• Is he funny?
• What kind of job does he have – humanitarian or executive?
• Is he good-looking?

Prioritize Your Criteria

Could you trade some things out for others – a less attractive man with an exceptional sense of humor? Of course, these things will vary with each person, but you should have a blueprint of the kind of man you want.

Once you've got that together, stick to it. You have standards now.

Using My Friends to Sift Through Potential Dates

When I was single, most of my dates were with guys that I met through friends and mutual acquaintances. They knew me, they knew what kind of person I wanted, and I could pick them for information about the guy before committing to a date or even allowing that person to have my phone number. I think having friends sift through guys beforehand is a great way to salvage time and it gets things off to a nice start.

I recommend Iyanla Vanzant's book: In the Meantime. It's all about what to do until Mr. Right comes along.

– Sistergirl