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Dear Irishknot,
You are right!
Playing
House Makes You Take Each Other for Granted
Okay, here's my take:
You were burned before (I was too). I lived with my girlfriend for
about three years before we were married and it was a disaster.
Playing house, in my
opinion, makes you take the other person for granted. The magic
of the marriage bond, the meaning of it, is deflated by the fact
that you two are basically already married. I totally agree that
it works better if marriage comes first, then the big move in.
Your
Issues and His
What's really going on
with each of you here:
- I think you fear the
previous failure happening again.
- I think you worry
that rotating "Dads" in your son's life is not a good
idea. I agree with you.
-
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Of
course he's nervous; he's a guy. |
I think that your boyfriend
is nervous about marriage (why wait a year?), and overworked.
- He wants you to live
with him to make it easier on him to see you.
Be careful; making it
easier, particularly with children in the house, doesn't make it
better, it actually makes it much more complicated.
The
Romance of Not Living Together
I think that the process
of getting ready to see someone when they are on their way over
is part of the magic and romance of relating. Both of you are eager
for the meeting. Both of you are trying to look and feel your best.
Both of you are on equal footing.
Wait Until He's Ready
If you're home waiting,
it's different. It recreates your own family home life – or
an idealized one. He may start expecting you to do things for him
– clean, cook, run errands...hey, you're living together, you're
going to be married, right? I think you should wait until he's really
ready to be married. Period.
Love,
Charlie
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