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Dear
Panel,
I
Met Juliet at a Club
My
name is Romeo and I am 26yrs old. I met a beautiful girl named Juliet
one night at a club. We hit it off well that night and I ended up
calling her later that week to set up a date.
I
Don't Get Involved with Moms
I
really liked this girl from the beginning yet had some serious reservations
from the beginning about getting too involved in a relationship
because of her situation. She has two children and was going through
a divorce at the time I met her about 5 mos. ago. I have never allowed
myself to get involved with a woman with kids before mostly because
I know that at this point in my life I am not ready for that responsibility.
I
know I have a lot of things to work out in my own life right now
and know that I would not be able to properly contribute to a child's
life so I have always shied away from relationships with a woman
with children because I didn't want to ever want to get to involved
with something like that at this point in my life.
Just
for Fun, at First
I
ended up going out with this girl on one date after finding out
she had children thinking that we could just go out and have a good
time and that would be the end of that. During the date I realized
that this girl had a lot to offer and was really going through a
rough time with her situation. I was the first person she had really
gone out with since her breakup and she let me know that she was
not looking for anything even remotely serious and was just looking
to date again and have some fun. I continued to date her because
of this reason, thinking that we were just kind of seeing each other
and nothing more, just having fun together.
Throughout
the last 5 months we have grown really, really close and I have
grown to love her as a person. The beginning went much as I hoped
us just having a good time with no strings attached, us going out
maybe every other week if even that and just enjoying ourselves.
Her
Husband's Verbal Abuse to Her and Her Kids
In
this time her ex found out she was dating again and really began
to freak out. He started getting very verbally abusive to her even
in front of her children at times. I think that is how we began
to get real close. I cared about her a lot and talked to her a ton
about what was going on. I think during this time as well I really
began to care for her and wanted to be there for her especially
in her situation.
We
Comfort Each Other
The
funny thing is she was really standoffish at the time, but I would
not let her stay that far away emotionally because I knew she was
really going through a rough time. I myself was really having a
tough time as well, I was struggling with career decisions, I was
partying way, way too much and I was unhappy with my living situation
and my life situation in general. She became a huge source of comfort
for me as well and really began to occupy a place in my heart.
My
Guilt As We Became More Serious
The
deeper we got though, the more nervous I got as well as her because
I think we both knew that we were getting pretty serious. I felt
really guilty during this time because I knew in my heart that I
probably shouldn't be getting too involved because of both of our
situations, but at the same time I had a hard time staying away
because I liked her so much. I still knew in my heart that I was
not ready to enter in a full-fledged relationship with her because
I simply was not ready for that. I also felt in a way that she was
feeling like maybe she should give her husband another chance because
of some of the things she had told me.
We
Finally Confront the Big Issues
I
ended up breaking down emotionally to her one night letting her
know exactly how I felt and that I was really struggling with my
life at the time as well. I had really begun walking away form all
the things I believed in and it was really beginning to weigh heavy
on me. She said basically the same things about her life, she felt
like she had also really kind of gone downhill for awhile and had
been looking to get back to what she truly believed in and live
a life in accordance with that.
She
Admitted She Also Felt She Should Give Her Husband a Chance
We
talked basically the whole night and she let me know that deep down
she really felt like she should give her husband another chance
as hard as that was. He cheated on her and she didn't think she
could ever forgive him, but I think she started to really believe
that she should at least give him another chance.
We
Back Off, But Maintain Communication
We
both realized that this would mean that we would have to back off
completely together even from communicating altogether eventually
just because of the situation. This was about a month ago. During
that month she began to go back to church as well as me and we both
began trying to get our lives in order again. She let her husband
know that she wanted to at least try to make things work again.
During this last month though we had been in constant communication
I think mainly because we had grown really close and both of us
were somewhat in the same situation.
The
process of rebuilding her relationship with her husband was really
brutal for her and I was also struggling with repairing things as
well. We e-mailed constantly and spoke on the phone a lot as well
basically just encouraging each other through our situation.
Her
Husband Treats Her Badly
She
especially was having a really hard time as her husband began staying
with her from time to time and they were trying to make things work
again. He was really treating her badly because she could not be
intimate with him, etc. She just felt like they really needed to
reestablish a relationship and she couldn't possibly just jump into
being the way they were. I think he needed to earn her trust again
more than anything.
Doing
What We Think Is Right
It
was during this time that our feelings really began to grow for
her as I began to see what an incredible person she was. I also
began to realize through talking to her that she was really having
strong feelings for me as well. We met each other for lunch a few
times and had a really hard time "just being friends."
We were both really struggling with wanting to be with each other
but I think deep down we both knew that the direction we were going
was the right direction. In my heart I knew that as hard as it was
and as much as I had grown to love her that I would not be good
for her or her kids because I have much growing up to do before
I enter into a family situation. I know she also believed that she
was doing the right thing but was struggling because her feelings
had grown for me and were stronger for me at the time than for her
husband.
She
Said It Was Too Hard for Her
She
ended up calling me the other day and telling me that she felt like
it was best that we cut off all communication from now on because
it was too hard for her to try and make things work with her husband,
etc. with me in the picture. As hard as it is to accept, I do think
that it is the right decision, I don't think it would be good for
us to continue communication as it creates a huge distraction for
her and her husband and also for me. I love this girl and am really
having a tough time just letting her go like this but I think
that it is probably the right thing to do.
It
aches me to know that she may really be hurting but I think that
in the long run by me hanging on I am causing more problems as it
will only get harder.
Being
Out of Contact with Her
I
think the hardest thing for me is to just let her go without knowing
how she is doing, etc. She said as well that she really needs to
work through her situation and not lean on me for comfort because
it makes it harder. She has a very hard time opening up to people
and I think that in me she was able to really open up.
My
advice was to really seek out solid friends and to begin learning
to open up and let others into her life as it makes things easier
to have that support system in place. I have not really shared the
whole situation with too many people as well, so I guess it's sort
of therapy to sit here and write all of this, I would appreciate
any feedback, advice some of you would have to give, thank you.
Is
what we are doing the right way to go?
–
Romeo
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