It is really hard to give you advice because your story closely
matches my own, so any advice may end up tainted by my own experiences.
So, let me lay my story out for you as "full disclosure"
before I give you any advice.
I, too, had an end-of-high school boyfriend that lasted into college.
And we also went through a period of being very depressed –
sometimes happier apart then together, although we hated to admit
it to ourselves. And he, also, began hanging around other women,
but when we argued about it, professed his love for me. We had a
lot of ambivalence in our relationship; not sure if it was right
but not really willing to let go because we loved each other.
20 Is Too Young To Work So Hard at a Relationship
So we fought on....we tried different approaches to making our
relationship work. But the truth was, we started to realize, that
we just weren't right for each other and that we were too young
at 20 to keep working on a relationship - we should be having fun
rather than stressing out all the time. That is what being 20 is
FOR. It was really painful; our break-up dragged on for MONTHS (the
whole breaking up, not talking, being friends, getting back together
cycle happened several times) and finally I just cut off all contact
because it was no fun for me or those who loved me to be on such
an emotional roller coaster. And that was the right decision for
me.
However, now, in my later 20's, I'm in a relationship that also
requires work - but there are enough rewards to make it worth it.
I work as hard as I can to let my partner know I love him, and even
in the rough times he does the same.
Break It Off and Get Individual Counseling
So, my advice would be to break it off, get individual counseling
to work through some of your issues with depression and help you
understand how to recognize and attract and develop healthy relationships.
But, the problem is, Jay might be the right person for you and
MAY be offering you enough positive things to make the work worthwhile.
I don't really sense that from your email, but it may be true. In
that case, I STILL recommend you break off contact for a while –
take some time off to assess the situation, determine if you want
it to go forward, and what your "vision" for a healthier
relationship with Jay would be.
Knowing If It's Worth Saving
Give yourself a minimum time limit for the break – say, 2
or 3 weeks. If that makes you scared that you can't trust him for
two weeks, that is a sure sign that things are not really worth
saving.
Good luck - I really wouldn't wish a 7 month breakup on ANYONE
after my experience.
