Dear AJ,

It's Not About You

Yes, she can't choose his friends, BUT if he doesn't choose her over his friend, there is a problem.

You can't choose your partner's friends. I agree that there is a lot going on there, but frankly, it's not about you, so you'll have to trust Chris to be honest with you.

Keep Her Out of Your Home

I do think it is the right thing to keep her out of your house and to stay away when she is home. I don't think you have to be friends with her at all.

Don't Micro-Manage

But, Chris's friends are his own. If you start micromanaging his or any other man's life, you'll be left behind faster than yesterday's newspaper.

Don't Hide Your Insecurites

It won't do any good. He won't help with her insecurities.

On the other hand, you don't have to keep your insecurity hidden. It's perfectly okay for you to check in with him about his other relationships. But, there's a difference between, "I forbid you to see her," and, "I feel really sad and jealous when you go off with Miss Bitchy, I need you to reassure me that I'm your only one and that it's strictly just a friendship with her."

Why She Holds onto Her Hopes

You also should talk with him about why she still loves him. The nature of their friendship may not be so "friend-like," and she may still be holding onto hopes. Why is she still hoping? What is he doing to keep her hoping?

So, don't control, but don't ignore the situation – it's a tough balance, but that's what the dance of love is.

He Should Take Care of His Mental Health

Oh, and I'm glad that the bipolar issue doesn't bother you, that's very progressive. But, I really hope that Chris is seeking professional help and is on medication to control his mood swings. If someone doesn't take care of themselves they are not likely to be a very good partner in love.

Good luck,

Charlie