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Dear True Love,
This is a very difficult question. If I knew you and we were sitting
around having a cup of tea, perhaps I could give you some advice
that would mean something, but as things are, it is almost impossible
for me to tell you anything that would mean something. What I can
do is give you some things to think about when you make your decision.
Why Did You Break-Up?
Why did you break up with your ex? If you can work out your problems
and be happy with him, that would be the optimal situation. Consider
why you broke up very carefully. Was it because of incompatibility
or boredom or what?
No Obligation To Marry
Being pregnant in this day and age does not automatically mean
you have to marry the father. Your baby can have its father without
having you as a wife. If he has been abusive to you, you do not
have to sacrifice your well-being and your child's for the idea
that you must marry the father of your baby.
Fireworks Are Deceptive
But if it was because the fireworks faded, know that without a
lot of work that always fades, with the old one or the new one,
or the one after that. From what you have said, you can't have known
the new man very long. Please don't mistake the excitement of a
new relationship for love. It is intoxicating, exciting, and very
deceptive. This new guy probably doesn't have any of the flaws the
old one had, but make no mistake – once the newness wears off,
you will have to deal with a whole new set of problems.
Investigate the New Relationship
No one is free of flaws. You just haven't seen the new guys quirks
yet. And he hasn't seen yours. It is the definition of infatuation.
Its magical and wonderful, but there is no way to tell if he is
the one for you based on such a short-term relationship. That said,
if I was you I wouldn't be able to make any lasting decision without
investigating the new relationship. I will assume you had a valid
reason for leaving the ex.
No "Replacement Father"
But if you really want the new thing to work, don't try to turn
him into a replacement father. Your baby already has a father, no
matter who you end up with. But remember that the new one likes
the relationship as it is now, and may have a change of heart when
you have the responsibility of a new baby that is not his. You must
resist the urge to put your responsibility on him, even if in his
present state of infatuation he seems to want it. Don't skip any
stages.
This reminds me of the old Chinese curse, "May you live in
interesting times". I think you have some very interesting
times ahead.
Good luck to you with whatever you decide.
Patra
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