Answers:

Dear Ecko,

Relationships Aren't All Romantic

A relationship is not necessarily defined as being romantic. You have relationships with everyone in your life, and each relationship that you have requires the same amount of effort, understanding, give and take and unconditional love that any romantic relationship requires.

Her Issues, Not Yours

You yourself commented that you have no self respect, and your friend by her comments and judgmental attitude is simply reinforcing that. Your decision to sleep with this guy is simply that – your decision.

But in this case her decision DOES affect her friend because they were on a double date. Her friend's new boyfriend might expect HER to be trashy now.

Your friend needs to be aware that what you do does not reflect on her unless SHE chooses to let it. She is not responsible for your actions and while she may not agree with them and may have felt embarrassed about them, those are her issues to deal with and not yours.

Making a choice not to remain friends with you is more for her own comfort level than anything else, and not about you. There probably isn't much that you can say that will change her, without first changing yourself to suit your friend.

Friendship Should Be Unconditional

Being a friend is such a loosely-based term these days. You can say "hello" to someone and consider them a friend. I believe there is a deeper meaning to actually choosing a friend, and more importantly, BEING a friend.

I agree! True friends don't judge.

Friendship should not be judgmental, it should be unconditional. There should be an element of trust between friends. If your friend cannot accept you for who you are, in all your own insecurities and decisions, then what kind of friend is she?

And rather than commenting on the act of the decision you made, perhaps she would be a better friend to help you try and figure out WHY. The bigger issue, however, is not what she thinks of you. It's what you think of yourself.

Finding What You Need

Often times, people will search out sex or other ways of feeling needed and loved. For whatever reasons that you decided to sleep with this guy, there was something you got out of it, other than the obvious. That is what you might want to define. I would imagine it's a bigger issue than being "trashy."

You made a decision that perhaps you regret or don't agree with now. Instead of beating yourself up over it, since you can't change what's already happened, you can try and really figure out what you are getting out of your actions. Figure out what's going on inside.

Take Responsibility for Your Own Actions

Somewhere along the line, you have to accept the choices that you make. Whatever your reasons are, you have to accept the fact that the decision was yours and accept the responsibility of what that decision means. Start by accepting yourself for who you are and don't expect anything less from the people you surround yourself with. How can anyone else respect you when you don't even respect yourself?

Demand Respect

You will demand from others what you believe you deserve. If you believe in yourself that you are trashy, that is what people will see in you. If you believe that you are worthy of someone else's respect (and your own) then that is what you will get.

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