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Dear Looking for Stats,
Depends on Your Response
What was your response when you were told "I just want to
be friends?" I don't have any statistics (I'm not sure how
burning of an issue this is for social scientists but maybe you
could check academic psychology/ sociology/ anthropology journals
for data) but if YOU left it open, then there is still a possibility.
Examples:
Scenario 1: Buddy Mode
YOU: I really like you and would love to take you out sometime.
LOVE INTEREST: I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in a romantic
relationship, but think you are a GREAT friend.
YOU: All right then, we are friends. Don't you think so and so
is really cute?
In Scenario 1, you have slipped immediately into buddy mode. Love
interest thinks the doors to romance are closed and probably won't
try to open them even if so inclined in the future.
Scenario 2: The Door Ajar
YOU: I really like you and would love to take you out sometime.
LOVE INTEREST: I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in a romantic
relationship, but think you are a GREAT friend.
YOU: I'm disappointed; I think you are a great person and think
we would make a great couple. However, I value the time we spend
together and don't want to sacrifice that - I think it is great
that we can continue to have a relationship with each other.
In Scenario 2, you have left the door slightly ajar. This gives
the relationship an opportunity to develop more naturally, either
into a friendship or maybe eventually into a relationship.
You Must Be Mature
Scenario 2 is much more difficult to pull off gracefully, however.
And it takes a very mature person to get past any hurt egos to continue
to pursue a relationship – you have to be secure, comfortable,
and genuinely interested in the person for who they are rather than
for the potential relationship you may have with them in the future.
How did you leave things?
Good luck.
– Judith
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